Why do we keep going?

Ash_3

Learning
Why do we keep going? Why do we persist with this deep torment and anguish? It doesn't stop and I can't accept it. The things that happened to me were unfair and I was just a kid, why does it feel like I'm being punished?

Everyday is a struggle and I hate waking up to the same pain. I can't will it away, I can't handle it. I'm old enough to need to find the courage to help myself, but I just want to float away into existence. I don't want this life anymore.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Ash_3 I came back on purpose because I recognized your name, and felt badly ever since I responded to another post of yours (before) about church; I am sorry, what I should have said is whatever helps you feel better, continue to do.

As to this question I think much the same. I don't think anyone wants to live feeling pain or shame or embarrassment or feeling like there's no hope and no end in sight to feeling (and therefore living) this way. Which is part of the reason to keep going in another direction, I think. I think (just speaking for myself) if I knew why or 'what for' to keep going, this question wouldn't arise. But, I think the 'thinking' is the mind and heart's way to try to 'solve' it- but that can become circular, and deadly. My only advice is, do what reduces the thinking, focus on some things that distract or bring peace, even for seconds or minutes, strive for habits of basic self care like eating and sleeping, and do any and everything (no matter how small) that counters those thoughts and feelings and is positive. (Not that feelings are wrong, just that some feelings spiral when there's no different perspective or information to counter them).

I hope you've had some better moments. 🤗
 

Syd.vicious

Learning
I often feel this way. It feels like your constantly losing an uphill battle. But with help that feeling comes around less and less often. I was sexually assaulted by an older relative for at least six years. It has taken me almost one year now of intense T to start to feel better. I’ll be honest I’m no where close to where I want to be, we’r where I need to be to continue living. But I can see the small improvements and that’s what keeps me going. Please reach out for help. It sucks it really does but. But over time it starts to suck less and less.
 

12birds

Confident
Why do we keep going? Why do we persist with this deep torment and anguish? It doesn't stop and I can't accept it. The things that happened to me were unfair and I was just a kid, why does it feel like I'm being punished?

Everyday is a struggle and I hate waking up to the same pain. I can't will it away, I can't handle it. I'm old enough to need to find the courage to help myself, but I just want to float away into existence. I don't want this life anymore.
I think there's at least two reasons we keep going. Surviving is the most basic function we have, so our bodies are going to push a lot harder than our minds. Sometimes reverse of that. But either way our first job as living beings is to keep going.

And deep down we know there is something more to life than pain. There are good moments mixed in with the hard parts, even if they're small.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
I think I was where you are a few years ago. I was so exhausted that I kind of quit living. I avoided a lot. I avoided people, going out of the house even. Stayed in bed almost all the time. I think we have to find some light in our life to get us moving again. For me it took a 3-4 yrs of rest. My brain and body were both exhausted from abuse. (I was very driven and always into projects before this). I literally collapsed. Little my little my relationship with kids started getting better. Was it better because of an attitude shift on my part? I think so....I opted for some hope I guess. Im still struggling. I have had a sense of foreshortened life for years. So, deep in my beliefs, my mind tells me that whatever I want, I won't get. If I want to survive and live, I will fail. If I dont care....the suffering will go on forever. Im still having trouble to commit to much of anything. I think that if I commit, something will interfere and I won't be able to carry it out. I think we just have to find the small things every day. It helps me to name the things I am grateful for every single day, of what is right instead of what is wrong, but I am still far from where I would like to be.
 

Friday

Moderator
Because we are shamed into believing that we must.
Nah… I come from a culture where there’s no shame in suicide / it’s seen as a perfectly honorable act, sometimes even the only honorable act possible. Shame ain’t what keeps me living.

I’m blown away with how difficult things must be for you, to reality check & set aside guilt/shame that isn’t yours, if shame is the very thing that keeps you breathing. When your very survival depends on shame? That’s one hell of a brutal paradox. Every moment of relaxation must feel like you’re taking your own life in your hands to do so. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the level of pain & exhaustion it must bring you.
 

Deleted member 50975

Policy Enforcement
Not Active
I think I was where you are a few years ago. I was so exhausted that I kind of quit living. I avoided a lot. I avoided people, going out of the house even. Stayed in bed almost all the time. I think we have to find some light in our life to get us moving again. For me it took a 3-4 yrs of rest. My brain and body were both exhausted from abuse. (I was very driven and always into projects before this). I literally collapsed. Little my little my relationship with kids started getting better. Was it better because of an attitude shift on my part? I think so....I opted for some hope I guess. Im still struggling. I have had a sense of foreshortened life for years. So, deep in my beliefs, my mind tells me that whatever I want, I won't get. If I want to survive and live, I will fail. If I dont care....the suffering will go on forever. Im still having trouble to commit to much of anything. I think that if I commit, something will interfere and I won't be able to carry it out. I think we just have to find the small things every day. It helps me to name the things I am grateful for every single day, of what is right instead of what is wrong, but I am still far from where I would like to be.
I'm struck by your line about "being driven and into projects." I'm living this hell now. I've never rested. You say 3-4 years of rest? What did you do during the rest period? What did rest look like?

I am exhausted and ready to give up too. I relate to everything the OP said and What you said too. I feel like I can't risk committing to anything ever again for the same reasons. I feel irreparably broken.
 
Top