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Why does this feel worse for me?

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Teasel

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I've got CSA and rapes and assaults in my history, neglect, physical violence and emotiinally abusive relationships,

Why does it feel to me like trying to get on with other humans is worse than all of that?

I feel such utter terror so easily, the most mundane social interaction can devastate me.

I feel foggy headed about this and would really like to try and unpack it a bit.

Does this make any sense at all?
 
Makes complete sense to me, everything you describe is how I feel. It sounds like you have hypervigilance which is what I have. Your brain is looking for threats constantly, so in social situations, it basically gets overloaded and it exhausts it. When you are back somewhere your brain feels safer, you suddenly get really tired as your brain realises there are no more threats and it can chill a bit.

Thats my understanding anyway. I hate social situations, I cannot handle them for long. If I stay too long, I just break down, so Ive learnt to leave when my head tells me to.
 
Why does it feel to me like trying to get on with other humans is worse than all of that?

I think it is because you have a backlog of past unfinished grief over what has happened to you yet I could be way off base. It is hard to allow myself to begin to feel the intense emotions and let them out and then finding the courage to talk about the feelings and thoughts and is very painful and somewhat stressful too for me anyways. But if I can do this I always feel better after the fact. My goal is to go into this feeling and experiencing the past grief and remember that it is going to make me feel better in time. I wish you to find what best works for you.:hug:

I feel such utter terror so easily, the most mundane social interaction can devastate me.

This sounds like the original feelings you had at the time of these events and they can superimpose on your days in emotional flashbacks and to me it never makes any sense when this occurs. It just does'nt fit with my day and it is a pretty rough experience that is hard to cope with. At least for me still. Keeping a record of these things will help you to recognize patterns if you are interested.:tup:

Does this make any sense at all?

To me it makes a lot of sense. I understand this perfectly, you are not crazy nor are you making this up or any other doubting thoughts you may have. You are going to be okay.

Oh yeah one more thing. I remember a long time any kind of social interaction was filled with land mines for me to fall into and experience some devastation and second guessing myself. It does not happen so much anymore thankfully as I have more confidence in me to know that I am not as bad as I used to think I was. Hang in there Bearlinda it does eventually get better if I am following along right.:):hug:
 
It makes sense to me. And I’m very sorry for what you have been through. It can be difficult to relate to others after traumatic events or even just simply trusting people can be difficult. You’re not crazy. It’s a very difficult thing to work through and experience and takes time. You’re likely still processing your experiences to some degree which can leave you feeling stuck in the past which can also make relationships complicated.
 
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