Why Waste My Time And Resources?

[sonicwhite]

Ok, I went on dating sites, even just Facebook and I always seem to get the (friend zone) and honestly I'm tired of being teared down by women. I'm not saying all women are like this nor do the b*tch when it happens to them by a guy.

I just refused to put myself under that torture anymore. That was back in 2011. I gave up. I noticed the longer you go without a spouse the more delusional you get when it come to what ppl are trying to say.

Yes there can be markers that say this person likes me but it can be stretched too far to where you just imagine yourself with this person yet they have opposite feelings all together. That when you're in trouble. No counciling or therapy can pull you back to the teenage years of freedom.

Now some men most I should say are just out for one thing and mess it up for the good ones. Yet I have seen gay men turn straight and get a pretty gal the first time they try the social dating.

I think my insecrureties show so much that they automatically turn the woman off. It's not something you can gain back. Once you lose ones self in religion or faith. You become somewhat a totally different person. I've seen women who only wanted sex and I've seen woman who want to control the man. Personally. I think I'm screwed in this area. If I have the charisma of a movie actor I could pick one up easily but I don't. I observe things from inside this she'll of mine and really giving up was the worst thing that I could of ever done.

The thing about me is that the woman has to be a Christian. The bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Now that makes me judgmental but I'm not. I'm just trying to do what my teacher has taught me. Women that I'm looking for are few and far between.

 

[EveHarrington]

Whatever happened to the woman you were getting to know?

 

[sonicwhite]

I don't know delusional

 

[EveHarrington]

You're delusional right now?

 

[joeylittle]

Women that I'm looking for are few and far between.

You have to go to church. If this is the kind of woman you want to meet, you need to get out and go to service.

And if you aren't well enough to go to church (which I think you've mentioned before, as it's also trigger-y for you?) - you aren't well enough to be in a relationship with a partner. You've been very articulate on how God comes first in your life - then, I'd say, get to church and get your relationship with God working right.

Then, get your relationship with yourself working right.

 

[sonicwhite]

This world has nothing else to offer me. I just hate this world. And would like it to end. I mean how much does a person have to suffer in order for the universe to say he's had enough.

 

[joeylittle]

Read Job.

I don't mean to be harsh - but the there really isn't an answer to 'how much suffering is enough'.

Does your therapist know you have these thoughts?

 

[sonicwhite]

No, I mean I'm delusional about how things look. I could like I girl woman. And think all sorts of stuff up. Not really caring for the markers of what she really thinks until I just ask her, man I need to know one thing, do you like me or not? And so I stop my delusional thinking.



We're are friends. But yes church would be the best place to find someone. I have to give up the fear that the church is going to judge me cuz I smoke. I just need to get someone close to go with me. I hate going to places by myself ecpecially a church where everyone knows everybody.



But if I don't go it's never going to happen. I'm always going to go thru life wishing I did but don't have the guts to go to it. And it's pretty simple to go to church. But I don't have a high charisma score so I most likely would be looked over anyway.

 

[sonicwhite]

I tear myself down to much. The therapist said God loves you and we love you. I'm thinking they think the problem is I'm so hard on myself that they got to try to pull me out of my negative thinking.



I used to believe I would be someone great that I would be a preacher and that ppl will listen to me with open ears as I witness and preach with urgency the truth. Then I quit my job. I started to go down hill when I started to believe that I had a disorder.


I have believed this so much that is causes me to have major depression disorder. I just can't see myself as a whole because I was cursed with a mental ailment. But I also see others with the same stuff work and go to the gym and just participate in life where I have not.


Man how do you rid yourself of a sucky attitude?

 

[Sideways]

Just a suggestion, but have you tried going to church outside of service times as a starting point?

Exposure therapy would suggest that going and sitting in the church while there's no one there would be what to do before throwing yourself in while the church is full of people.

But I'm thinking that it would also get you out of the house, and into a space that might be incredibly motovating for you. You can reconnect with the church by just being in a place of worship - churches tend to be extremely powerful spaces in that respect. And it might bring home that your the community of the faithful is an important aspect of your faith, being part of that community is important.

And ultimately, it might make it easier for you to return for a service some time when you're ready.

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm going to go to church. I finally realize and feel drawn to go. Not only to find a wife or gf but to also hear the word being preached.


I have the best therapist. She's a Christian and she touched on so many notes yesterday that made me feel good.


Like the world ain't falling off it's axis so why worry.



And the future will only make you anxious and the past will only make you depressed. So live in the NOW and be happy.



You have wonderful gifts that will help somebody. And I know in my heart when I am getting my life back in order thru her that I will be able to use my gifts. She said I can make up to 700$ a month while on SSDI but she was like let's go slow. She wants me to go with my roommate once a week for two hours volunteering and take a shower every other day. I must admit when you're depressed it's hard to clean yourself. But I am.


So all in all if I do as she says I will get better, how do I know? Because she suffered from the same depression many years.

 

[Sideways]

Sounds brilliant:)