Will I ever learn?

pamcoco

Confident
My last few years, I intentionally, perhaps not wisely, have cared for each of my divorced parents, my Mom with Lewy Body and my Dad with Parkinsons and cancer.

As much as I have tried to murder it, I can’t watch people I care about suffer. This position of closeness with my parents has caused my sociopath siblings to target me and has led to an extravagant smear campaign. Bad is now horrible as quite a bit of money is on the line.

I asked my parents in return for the sacrifice of caregiving (it’s really hard) that they protect me through truth and transparency with family members. Of course they agreed.

So is my crazy. How could I ever expect people that have barely protected me as a young child to be capable of caring for me now?

Tonight I flee to my house a state away as the BLOWTORCH, more accurately than gaslight, has shredded my last thread of dignity.

I am frightened by how much I loathe and fear people. I don’t think I will ever get better, which starts with building some solid foundations for relationships. I really only have one friend remaining and she lives far away. In my town I don’t know anyone and am not positive I want to.

I don’t think I am capable of choosing good people and caring for myself in their presence.
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t think I am capable of choosing good people and caring for myself in their presence.
I can understand how it feels that way right now. In the long run, I'll bet you can. In fact, maybe you actually DO, when it's not your biological family?
How could I ever expect people that have barely protected me as a young child to be capable of caring for me now?
Because humans tend to be ridiculously optimistic when it comes to things like families. It's really hard sometimes to accept that "no, this time actually ISN'T going to be any different." Really realizing that some things aren't going to change is hard. Not impossible but hard.

I'm glad to hear you have a friend! I'd say work on more friendships and creating a "family of choice". You can't do much about the family you were born into. (Sorry about that!)
 

leggirl

Learning
I have read horrible stories of siblings even murdering a family member to get to money. It's downright creepy. I myself fear money, l hate that you turn into a magnet when you own property and or have money. It's like all the sharks start walking on land. So just try to remove yourself out of the situation by realizing the jabs at you are by desperate family looking to turn into buzzards. I have read of stories, where family members loot their deceased parent's house. Greed is a very powerful motivator.
 
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