Thisvolcanolovesyou
Not Active
Hi. This is my third post because I’m in an overwhelming place and needing support with several things that are coming up. Thanks for being here.
I have been stressed at work because “no one is stepping up” and really had to take ownership of where that came from.
I witnessed my childhood best friend’s accidental death and I was too young as well as later understanding neurodivergent to understand what was happening so I didn’t get help that could have saved her. Obviously, there was and still self blame for this, despite having met incredible other survivors of trauma.
My parents are amazing people, who haven’t processed their own trauma, so they couldn’t process mine. After one therapy session, I said I was fine. They didn’t push back. I’m angry about this and have healed as far as not yelling at them for “being weak” when I was in the throes of alcohol abuse about 5 years ago.
Another incident was when I was 19 (I was 11 at the time of the trauma) and woke them up to comfort me when I had adult realizations about the impact. My mom kept sleeping, asking my dad to talk to me. My dad suggested I get a job to take my mind off the trauma (in his defense, he didn’t say it in a rude way and his way of coping with his own depression & anxiety is being a workaholic).
Due to developmental stuff, I didn’t process a lot until my 30s and I’m wanting my 40s to be less heavy. As I mentioned, I’ve been really lucky in that I met sooo many peers and even got to work in mental health advocacy with like minds for a decade.
Still, I found that I was in “advocate” space and “stand up for everyone but me” mentality for so long, I’m just now learning how to face my pain, without unhealthy numbing.
I’ve written in my other posts that I don’t like advice and for this one, I’m open to gentle recommendations *if* someone really gets this space. If not, just your hearing me and witnessing my current situation means the world.
Much love to everyone.
I have been stressed at work because “no one is stepping up” and really had to take ownership of where that came from.
I witnessed my childhood best friend’s accidental death and I was too young as well as later understanding neurodivergent to understand what was happening so I didn’t get help that could have saved her. Obviously, there was and still self blame for this, despite having met incredible other survivors of trauma.
My parents are amazing people, who haven’t processed their own trauma, so they couldn’t process mine. After one therapy session, I said I was fine. They didn’t push back. I’m angry about this and have healed as far as not yelling at them for “being weak” when I was in the throes of alcohol abuse about 5 years ago.
Another incident was when I was 19 (I was 11 at the time of the trauma) and woke them up to comfort me when I had adult realizations about the impact. My mom kept sleeping, asking my dad to talk to me. My dad suggested I get a job to take my mind off the trauma (in his defense, he didn’t say it in a rude way and his way of coping with his own depression & anxiety is being a workaholic).
Due to developmental stuff, I didn’t process a lot until my 30s and I’m wanting my 40s to be less heavy. As I mentioned, I’ve been really lucky in that I met sooo many peers and even got to work in mental health advocacy with like minds for a decade.
Still, I found that I was in “advocate” space and “stand up for everyone but me” mentality for so long, I’m just now learning how to face my pain, without unhealthy numbing.
I’ve written in my other posts that I don’t like advice and for this one, I’m open to gentle recommendations *if* someone really gets this space. If not, just your hearing me and witnessing my current situation means the world.
Much love to everyone.
