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Woke up wishing for death

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AddHomnym

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Tired of always feeling like I'm auditioning for people. My Worker's Comp people literally think I'll be back at work in a few weeks maybe a few months and are asking for a resume. I can barely get out of bed, eat or shower. Wtf are they thinking? The idea of writing a resume and even thinking on those terms escalates me to the point of self-abuse.

Outside of my shrink, Comp case manager and local baristas I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks. I'm so f*cking lonely and starved for just one human touch.

Days like this I feel covered in cement. A block. An unfinished sculpture trapped in marble. I don't want to be conscious. Or think. Or feel. I'm so f*cking tired.

I can't keep auditioning for people. Like a f*cking dancing bear. Im so sick and broken and it's like no one knows. I present as quiet and "normal" and apparently that's my sin.

My brain is shattered and I keep having to prove it. I don't want any part of this anymore. I have nothing.
 
I must say I know the feeling. I wake up daily hating the fact I am still around.

My body hurts, every muscle feels exhausted and sore. I take a deep breath and roll out of bed. That, to me, is my first accomplishment of the day. I then make the bed quickly, thats my 2nd accomplishment of the day.

I then figure to mysellf....well thats two accomplishments completed already, lets see how many more I can complete in the next 10 minutes and then I just repeat it for the rest of the day.
 
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's really a terrible feeling! I too am going through a messy work comp fight, almost a year now, and I know how draining, depressing and anxiety provoking it can be. Am here if you want to vent or chat!
 
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