Chitoshi
MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone,
My therapist is on vacation and I hit a trigger that I was aware that MIGHT crop up, but it never has before so I put it out of my mind.
Usually I work a salaried position as an educator, but I signed up for summer school and have to log my hours. Today I got questioned on the validity of my hours for one area (scheduling meetings) because of the way I scheduled the meetings it looked to my supervisor that I had scheduled them quickly, but I bulk add them, add my supervisor, then go back and make sure things are done correctly and add everyone else I wasn't sure if they needed an add or not. This ended up with 20-25 minutes of time for each scheduled meeting on the online calendar invites, so since we are paid by the quarter-hour for summer school I wrote .5 (30 minutes) instead of .25 (15 minutes) since it took me longer than 15 minutes and even longer than 23 minutes so I rounded up. I figured there was no harm and she'd be checking anyways.
So the way it's a trigger is that I had internship two years ago and my therapist considers it a traumatic event because I had a miniature breakdown due to pressure, stress, and gas-lighting. He said I was basically in an abusive relationship with my supervisor for an entire school year, and although that summer he said he was SO proud of me for making it out, he did confess that he was worried that I wouldn't have "made it" with my mental health intact in any sort of way. I asked him what that meant and he said that he was actually afraid that he was going to end up having to recommend hospitalization, which is how close I got to losing my mind at one point. It was bad, and I'm still working through it.
My therapist said because of my existing PTSD it made the trauma harsher, and again reiterated how proud he was that I was able to get through it.
Anyways, I'm digressing. The trigger happened and I'm panicky now because I was questioned on my hours, which is a NORMAL thing for a supervisor to do today. However, during my internship I had multiple weeks of working 60+ hours trying to complete the demands asked of me, and when I would complete them my supervisor would give me more to do, and then denied to me and my school that she believed that I had worked so often, and made me delete hundreds of hours of work off of my internship log, and my school agreed that it seemed ridiculous that it was "taking me so long" to do things, even though it was not a normal amount of work she was giving me (my professor later told me that's how she felt so I was somewhat validated).
So right now I have some major panic about being questioned on my 30 minute status for 6 meetings, and I agreed with the supervisor that it would be agreeable to me if I did 15 minutes every other meeting and 30 minutes for the rest so that it averages out to about the middle, and she seemed fine with that, but I'm still getting the adrenaline fallout and I'm not really sure how to deal.
My therapist is on vacation for 3 weeks so I can't talk to him.
Ice cubes didn't work, I don't have citrus, does anyone have any other grounding strategies or anything to break the rumination/panic cycle?
Thanks.
My therapist is on vacation and I hit a trigger that I was aware that MIGHT crop up, but it never has before so I put it out of my mind.
Usually I work a salaried position as an educator, but I signed up for summer school and have to log my hours. Today I got questioned on the validity of my hours for one area (scheduling meetings) because of the way I scheduled the meetings it looked to my supervisor that I had scheduled them quickly, but I bulk add them, add my supervisor, then go back and make sure things are done correctly and add everyone else I wasn't sure if they needed an add or not. This ended up with 20-25 minutes of time for each scheduled meeting on the online calendar invites, so since we are paid by the quarter-hour for summer school I wrote .5 (30 minutes) instead of .25 (15 minutes) since it took me longer than 15 minutes and even longer than 23 minutes so I rounded up. I figured there was no harm and she'd be checking anyways.
So the way it's a trigger is that I had internship two years ago and my therapist considers it a traumatic event because I had a miniature breakdown due to pressure, stress, and gas-lighting. He said I was basically in an abusive relationship with my supervisor for an entire school year, and although that summer he said he was SO proud of me for making it out, he did confess that he was worried that I wouldn't have "made it" with my mental health intact in any sort of way. I asked him what that meant and he said that he was actually afraid that he was going to end up having to recommend hospitalization, which is how close I got to losing my mind at one point. It was bad, and I'm still working through it.
My therapist said because of my existing PTSD it made the trauma harsher, and again reiterated how proud he was that I was able to get through it.
Anyways, I'm digressing. The trigger happened and I'm panicky now because I was questioned on my hours, which is a NORMAL thing for a supervisor to do today. However, during my internship I had multiple weeks of working 60+ hours trying to complete the demands asked of me, and when I would complete them my supervisor would give me more to do, and then denied to me and my school that she believed that I had worked so often, and made me delete hundreds of hours of work off of my internship log, and my school agreed that it seemed ridiculous that it was "taking me so long" to do things, even though it was not a normal amount of work she was giving me (my professor later told me that's how she felt so I was somewhat validated).
So right now I have some major panic about being questioned on my 30 minute status for 6 meetings, and I agreed with the supervisor that it would be agreeable to me if I did 15 minutes every other meeting and 30 minutes for the rest so that it averages out to about the middle, and she seemed fine with that, but I'm still getting the adrenaline fallout and I'm not really sure how to deal.
My therapist is on vacation for 3 weeks so I can't talk to him.
Ice cubes didn't work, I don't have citrus, does anyone have any other grounding strategies or anything to break the rumination/panic cycle?
Thanks.