Work trouble

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I don't know how to manage this emotionally. My manager has started to shut me out of everything. I'm in a position where I report to her, but others report to me. She didn't tell me about interviews she's having with potential new hires. She didn't include me. She has pretty much stopped telling me about things I should know.

So I asked about the interviews today. And the training, which I am usually responsible for. And she told me that they didn't need me in the interviews and someone else from day shift would be training (for the evening new hires). She also told me they were hiring 2 - we don't have room for two.

So I finally asked her if I was still going to be in my position and she referred me to the director. I made an appointment for tomorrow; she's including HR.

All of this (and a ton of other stuff) tells me I'm facing a huge change that is likely not in my favor. I don't think I'll be fired - they usually go about it in a different way - but I would not be surprised if they removed me from my current position.

*If* I were to get fired, I am totally screwed. If I *just* get moved to another position - which would be a demotion - I don't think I could handle it emotionally. Something similar happened with another job a long time ago and I broke. I ended up on leave for a long time, then they got rid of my position. I can't afford to be without work or on leave.

I know I'm creating this huge thing out of something that hasn't happened yet, but I've been here twice. And I am always terrified of not being able to pay bills or my mortgage, worried that I will not have a place to live.
 

Sideways

Sponsor
I hope the appointment tomorrow goes better than expected.

In the meantime, this is the sort of situation that would cause even rock-solid people a huge amount of stress. That's probably going to hang around till the appointment is done.

Engage with all those things that help you manage stress, I'm thinking especially helping your physiology wash out the stress. Good sleep, good food, bit of exercise.

Have you got anything you use in stressful situations to keep you grounded (maybe things you use when you see your T)? That might be anything from a rock to hold, smelly oils, breathing techniques, drinking water...etc?

Whatever the case, like I said I hope it's a better outcome than you expect. If not? Can't deal with it till we know what we're dealing with, yeah?
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
So...meeting was postponed until tomorrow. Spent most of the day numb, dissociated. Wish I could just live the rest of my life that way.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Oh gods. I want to die. I mean, I seriously just want to be gone. l have 2 weeks to fix this or that's it.

The meeting today was very brief and the manager/director was really nasty. Said that we were having meetings week after next to discuss some things she heard about me. Seems they are going to be holding semiannual reviews with me instead of annual and my position is under review.

I am NOT going to the meeting on the 19th. I will be resigning before that. Looking for work, but it's so hard. I am skilled, but I can't work in an office. Not around people anymore.

If I can't find a job? I'm quitting anyway. No, I have no other income. But if I have to drain my IRA/401k, I will. I canNOT stay there.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry it didn't go well. But if it's the motivation you need to find a job that fits you better, than that's a plus. Don't quit in panic - they haven't fired you. Look for a new job in your spare time, perhaps.

I can't even begin to describe the anxiety and anger that I have been feeling since this happened. And yeah...I know that my reaction is, in part, an overreaction that is probably "normal" given the c-PTSD, but I feel like I'm in real trouble here.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I've just gone through a similar nightmare at work.

I know how harrowing it is. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Can you get your pdoc to just write you off sick for as long as it takes you to find a new job? Do you get sick pay?

Thanks. I’m sorry you had to deal with this as well. It’s complicated, but a leave doesn’t feel like an option. I need to just be gone.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks. I’m sorry you had to deal with this as well. It’s complicated, but a leave doesn’t feel like an option. I need to just be gone.
I think you should call their bluff. The first thing.. She hasn't kept you in the loop. You caught on to that. I think what they heard about you is garbage. They want you to quit, first and foremost. What would they have heard? Is this some small town?
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I think you should call their bluff. The first thing.. She hasn't kept you in the loop. You caught on to that. I think what they heard about you is garbage. They want you to quit, first and foremost. What would they have heard? Is this some small town?

I get what you're saying here. And actually, an office does act kind of like a small town. :-( It doesn't matter if it's garbage; I will not be able to defend myself or provide a different perspective. And in the course of it all - if I were to stay - the level of stress and depression, etc... will be way more than I care to carry.

All that said, I have been job-hunting. It just points out how I really don't know how to do much. I'm starting to feel even more trapped and like there is no positive way out of this.
 
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