Wrongdoing

[sonicwhite]

have you ever did something wrong and for the life of you you cannot forgive yourself? I have. I cannot forgive myself for all the wrong I did in life. I feel like I'm the chief of sin. The ultimate winner. That I have failed so many times that there is no way to clean up the mess I made.



When I was seven someone threw a Payless bag full of porn mags in front of my house. At a very young age my mind was warped from then to now. I saw things a child should never see. I have completely destroyed the desire to look at porn but still the thoughts are there.


Is that why God disciplined me in 05 and said I will make a son out of him and he will follow my commands. So really I am blessed because instead of dying of organ failure I lived to be able to preach the gospels. But, inside me I say I am truly a wretched and sinful man. One not worthy of anything and deserve to be poor.

 

[sonicwhite]

No Paul struggled with the same thing and he is a apostle to us Gentiles. So what I am feeling is Christ working in me, I'll get there where I rejoice in my suffering but right now it hurts if that makes sense.

 

[Fadeaway]

So you don't believe God has forgiven you and washed away your sins. Think about it, the fundamentals of Christianity is that your sins have been forgiven by the blood of Christ. all the guilt you hang on to is very unchristian like.

 

[sonicwhite]

Imagine the guilt Paul felt when he knew he murdered Christians. It's not unchristian like its our fallen flesh. God says I use all things for good to those who love me and have be called according to my purpose. I know I'm going to heaven but like I said I am not adopted yet by passing away into heaven. I'm ready to go. I feel absulatly sure I'm going to heaven. God uses these guilt to make me more like Christ. Do you think that a Christian doesn't haven't to go thru the refining fire before they are made into Gods true image which is Christ. I believe Jesus never felt guilt but you also cannot tempt God either. Even tho His temptation happen as our do His where more like just nagging voices from the devil. Ours are actual pulls because we have tasted the sin and know it feels good but only for a season.

 

[sonicwhite]

@Fadeaway qoute, the guilt you hang onto is very unchristian like.



Luke 18: 9-14

Parable of the Pharisee and Tax Collector
9 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer[a]: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ 14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

 

[sonicwhite]

James4:6

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble."

 

[The Albatross]

I think generally retrospection is a good thing... with a clear mind being the caveat. It seems you are casting a wide net when you say, "Is that why God disciplined me in 05 and said I will make a son out of him and he will follow my commands. So really I am blessed because instead of dying of organ failure I lived to be able to preach the gospels. But, inside me I say I am truly a wretched and sinful man. One not worthy of anything and deserve to be poor."

No one is without sin. We are saved by grace. I think you are casting a wide net today. Christianity is a way of faith that Paul and Jesus created (yeah God himself) for gentiles. Once saved, by grace alone, we are refined to be his instruments. There is a difference Sonic between refinement of character and punishment or discipline.

Found an article a good few years ago that helped me on that point. Refiner’s Fire and Laundry Soap: Images of God in Malachi 3:1-4 by FREDERICK J. GAISER, Luther Seminary St. Paul, Minnesota Word & World,Volume XIX, Number 1,Winter 1999

Edited. Link is dead... will send it by p.c.

“See, I am sending my messenger to prepare the way before me, and the Lord whom you seek will suddenly come to his temple. The messenger of the covenant in whom you delight—indeed, he is coming, says the LORD of hosts. But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap; he will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the descendants of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, until they present offerings to the LORD in righteousness. Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to the LORD as in the days of old and as in former years.” ~ Malachi 3:1-4

 

[sonicwhite]

Wide net? In Hebrew 12 it says those who have been disciplined by God produce the peaceful fruits of righteousness to those who where trained by it. It by what they went through. When I gave my life to the Lord a year later after the psychosis I was filled with so much joy and peace that it was so beautiful. I was so happy and eager to tell the word of God to every man and woman even to those who rejected it and told me to shut up. That was 06 07 and 08. In 08 I decided I was not going to follow Jesus anymore. I became bitter. Always in some form of mental anguish. It has been since than that I have been humbled. To kinda spit in the face of the one who saved me from death. Now I just kinda am up and down. I really honestly know that in my heart I am saved. But that fire I had in me to witness is gone. This forum and the christianforums are the only place I really witness. And maybe my roommate that gave his life to the Lord three years ago.


I understand but my pain is also very deep. It doesn't mean that God cannot turn it around for good if that makes sense. I just think I have to feel this way in order to hear God. When I was a peace a joy I incorrectly told the word, when in pain I choke down the meat. Let it settle and even then I do not tread on things I do not know.

 

[EveHarrington]

What purpose does it serve to hold on to such guilt? Wouldn't God want us to free ourselves of these chains so that we can focus on doing more of his work?