I had no idea what to call this. This isn't going be typical and nobody needs to respond because it makes me feel embarrassed. I just realized I have no place to say things. I'll start seeing a psychologist again so maybe that will fill the niche. I always want to say things but I always hold back from posting on the forum because it doesn't seem like there is a place for it and etc. other reasons as well.
Anyway, I feel very depressed. I don't actually feel depressed like I did before so that's not the right word. It happened when somebody was trying to push me forward and I suppose be helpful and just told me everything I need to do and how I'm not doing enough. It just did something to me because I somehow felt like it belittled the progress I did make. I read back on my post the other day and I have made some kind of progress. Only in some ways and I can't tell if this is a fear or if it's reality but I also feel like I lost part of me in being able to progress. And in this case maybe progress is always at any cost chasing more minutes of peace and not getting as upset. I still do get upset fairly often. I am just emerging from two days of it. It's the kind of upset where you really start setting suicide dates. So it's weird to say oh it's so much better now considering I still do get very upset. I just feel like when I first started coming here I felt like I had no control over what was happening to me. I'm pretty sure the intensity was even greater. Maybe I just have a greater understanding of what happens whereas before I didn't know what was happening.
I feel a little bit more like the old man and the sea now. I can see what this is and the shape of it. I really do appreciate this place and I should contribute money soon. I think maybe even just the small progress I made can really be directly attributed to this site and the ability it gave me to understand what was happening.
Anyway, I feel very depressed. I don't actually feel depressed like I did before so that's not the right word. It happened when somebody was trying to push me forward and I suppose be helpful and just told me everything I need to do and how I'm not doing enough. It just did something to me because I somehow felt like it belittled the progress I did make. I read back on my post the other day and I have made some kind of progress. Only in some ways and I can't tell if this is a fear or if it's reality but I also feel like I lost part of me in being able to progress. And in this case maybe progress is always at any cost chasing more minutes of peace and not getting as upset. I still do get upset fairly often. I am just emerging from two days of it. It's the kind of upset where you really start setting suicide dates. So it's weird to say oh it's so much better now considering I still do get very upset. I just feel like when I first started coming here I felt like I had no control over what was happening to me. I'm pretty sure the intensity was even greater. Maybe I just have a greater understanding of what happens whereas before I didn't know what was happening.
I feel a little bit more like the old man and the sea now. I can see what this is and the shape of it. I really do appreciate this place and I should contribute money soon. I think maybe even just the small progress I made can really be directly attributed to this site and the ability it gave me to understand what was happening.
