I guess everything altogether but when dissociation gets bad...I can't think, hear, talk or move. But at the same time, I am kind of aware I can't do anything at times and that brings up shame as well...
probs dissociation or panic. when i'm dissociated i don't have balance, can't see right, have weird uncomfortable sensations i can't describe and just feel off, it's not bad but it's still shit. for panic i mean that's self explanatory lol
I had a brain tumor removed 6 years ago and 2 seizures where I lost control of bodily movement. Couldn't walk or talk for 2 days. I think dealing with the medical system and my symptoms gave me anxiety.
During the time of surgery and recovery our neighborhood went to shit in Portland. So, we were literally battling drug houses and meth addicts. Several shootings, break-ins, meth addict driving through my back yard, motorcycle gangs, kidnapping/murder and a million other incidents.
These two events I think have caused me to be very anxious at times. Some have said its a form of PTSD. I'm not for sure.
It's hard to be normal when you can't escape the pain or anxiety. No one sees anything wrong and they expect you to be the same person.
Sorry your going through this and I wish you a Merry Christmas!