AimKat

I was involved in a domestic violence situation("parents") and well I ended up with a brain bleed and in dhs custody by two weeks old. I was unfortunately, given back to my abusive parents,and never checked on by dhs,or anyone.I had a shunt in my head and my mother Never once had an check done.It would take me nearly 37 years to figure out why.......I have a narcissistic mother. Things must appear perfect all the time to a narcissistic parent, which is why she taught us really young to "keep secrets." I was sexually abused at age 4 yrs old and then assaulted by a family member at age 14 years.Between those ages I experienced all the hell one would imagine.I hated myself I wanted to die,esp when I found out my brother was abused by the same men. My mother who never took me back for any follow up care on my vp shunt- decided I was screwed up and needed medicine and took me to the dr. There were rules on what I could and couldn't discuss with the doctor,per our family secrets.So I was put on antidepressants for years,and only felt worse on them! I tried to kill myself 5 times on those meds! I recently found out,through a cheek swab, that I am highly allergic to antidepressants! I was told what a terrible child I was, and she really wanted me to just "snap" out of it. I never told anyone I was abused.Meanwhile my mother gets remarried to a man who has drinking,gambling and cocaine habits.When I got upset he thought I just needed good beatings,called me names and one time when I was suicidal he even put a shotgun in my mouth and pulled the trigger..while laughing.My step father then hog tied me and threw me in the car and out on the side of the road by my great grandmothers home.My mother did nothing! So,I ran far away from home at age 15. I got right into an abusive relationship at 17 and well I've been cleaning up that mess for years. I decided at 28yrs I was going to leave my abusive husband and I filed for divorce and got a protection order.On my 29th birthday,my ex husband broke into the house and strangled me with the cord I had called 911 with.
I lost consciousness,and he beat me until I regained consciousness.He then wrapped an extension cord around my neck and strangled me again. All of this happened so fast and in front of my young child. I passed out three times,and when I woke I was naked, my tongue was bitten in half and I had peed all over myself...he continued to hit and choke me now with his hands. When the police showed up,they took my 6 year old child aside and asked her if mommy had hit daddy at all either!?! Then the cops came out and told me that I had BETTER be glad my child said I never hit him back- or at all,or I would've gone to jail?! I was beaten very badly and taken to the hospital where they would not xray me, due to my lack of health insurance. They said I "probably" had a fractured neck and spine.I was unable to use my neck but wasnt cared for! It took me 6 more doctors and 8 more years to even get an MRI done. Turns out I have a fractured c4/c-spine,a c-spine(neck)compression, broken collar bone, broken cheek bone, broken ribs that have healed wrong and hurt always, and my lower spine had 3 bulging discs,spinal stenosis and degenerative disc disease Needless to say, I have been suffering. I am a single mother and I have no family around to help. I have always worked as a nurses assistant, a medical assistant and an RN..however I can no longer work and I applied for disability 5 years ago,I was denied ssdi and approved for ssi which barely covers anything. Life is hell......but I am still here-No matter how much the world wants to punish me for surviving,I will try and go on. I am glad I found this site, as I feel so damn alone :( My dr tells me I have MULTIPLE ptsd's from childhood abuse to this incident.When my neck and back hurt(or its Christmas) I have intense flashbacks.
I have had 4 surgeries in 2 years and some of my back is inoperable. I can never be a nurse again, I will never be the same again!