Recent content by Captain Barnacles

All lawyers are c*nts and there is no death painful enough for them.

I f*cking hate therapists. Load of f*cking gobshites.

You, too? Fun times, huh?

Coffee and a doughnut. I'm leaning heavily into this 'sheriff' thing.

How quickly my mood turned around tonight because of a heartfelt smile and kind words from a certain person. I tried to kill myself earlier this evening. I got distracted by the smell of smoke- a familiar smell from my time as a firefighter; not nice smoke from a chimney or campfire, but the...

I'm thinking about Cake Girl. Because of course I am. I'm worried that I'm actually a crazy stalker. I was messaging her last week around midnight. She works nights and I asked her to check in my office for my misplaced pipe. She did and it wasn't there...but I'm worried that she may have...

0111. The city centre is dead. I'm in the mood to party until I fall down, but the people I was with called Endex at 2300. When did they all get old?

My best friend.

You guys. Everyone else already hates me.

The guilt is for wanting help. I'm supposed to help other people. Not being able to help myself and making demands on others' feels like an unforgivable transgression. I'm only allowed to relinquish control and allow myself to be helped if the injury happens in the service of someone else.-...

That's what I usually do. It's a rule I made myself- I have to earn help, you know? By helping other people, mostly. I haven't done enough yet. It's really hard to focus on typing just now because the guilt is turning to panic. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me for this.

I'm not supposed to need help. I'm supposed to be the one who turns up and makes everything better. I'm not supposed to let people see this or impose upon them with it.

What if I'm wrong about Cake Girl? What if she's just friendly and maybe a bit weird or just doesn't see things the same way because of cultural differences? She's not from here, after all. Can I survive the hurt of being rejected by someone to whom I've become so attached? Probably not...

No. I really don't think there's market for more of that sort of thing. A kid has an otherwise normal childhood then gets raped a bunch of times. It's not very exciting, is it? I am, however, writing a book that uses the many, many traumatic experiences of my adult life as an inspiration.

That's always the way, isn't it? I woke up on Monday feeling calm and it took until 1030 for absolute disaster to catch up with me. It's impossible to feel like it isn't targeted.