-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
dhaman
I was raised by an evil mother. My father was out of the picture my entire life until a few years ago. I am now 36 years old. I am in sort of contact with my father. Occasionally we will meet up for an awkward lunch.
While he was off raising his new wife's daughter (they have been married for over 30 years now) I was raised by my mother. A mommy dearest woman, but to a more brutal extent. At a very young age 3, or 4 I recall the first time my mother flipped out on me. She lost her grocery list and insisted that I did something with it. She proceeded to what would become a daily routine of calling me a kike, a damn jewboy. An inside out n#####etc. This went on for the rest of my life until I was big enough to stand up to her. Perhaps when I was in maybe 10th grade. My mother had 4 kids in total. Myself the oldest, a brother 2 years younger. Another brother 8 years younger whom has since passed from suicide back in 2013, and a sister 11 years younger than me. All of us have different fathers 4 kids, and 3 fathers.
In addition to this it was on a daily basis that I was locked in my room, the refrigerator had a chain lock on it. My toys would constantly be taken from me only to never be seen again or watch them get broken in front of me. In 6th grade I got in trouble in school. When I got home my stepfather took all of my baseball cards and comic books to the top of the hill in the yard and lit them on fire. I grew up knowing nothing but fear and hatred. Why did my mother hate me so much? Why did her boyfriends always treat me the way that she did? Why did my real father not find me to be any sort of priority? When we talk now he plays the victim role. He says your mother didn't let me see you. He says if I saw you that you would of had more, you would of been able to play sports like you wanted to..etc. Now his excuses are this hurts, that hurts. He lives only 20 miles from me but yet we see him very infrequently. When we do it's only ever yo eat food. If he really wants to be a part of my life and his grandsons life wouldn't he do whatever it takes to make that happen? Isn't that what a real "man" supposed to be capable of ? All of this built up pain and frustration built up in my head really causes a strain on my marriage. My father says nothing is wrong with him. I guess knowing that he is a complete dead beat to his only son doesn't bother him. :(
To be continued
While he was off raising his new wife's daughter (they have been married for over 30 years now) I was raised by my mother. A mommy dearest woman, but to a more brutal extent. At a very young age 3, or 4 I recall the first time my mother flipped out on me. She lost her grocery list and insisted that I did something with it. She proceeded to what would become a daily routine of calling me a kike, a damn jewboy. An inside out n#####etc. This went on for the rest of my life until I was big enough to stand up to her. Perhaps when I was in maybe 10th grade. My mother had 4 kids in total. Myself the oldest, a brother 2 years younger. Another brother 8 years younger whom has since passed from suicide back in 2013, and a sister 11 years younger than me. All of us have different fathers 4 kids, and 3 fathers.
In addition to this it was on a daily basis that I was locked in my room, the refrigerator had a chain lock on it. My toys would constantly be taken from me only to never be seen again or watch them get broken in front of me. In 6th grade I got in trouble in school. When I got home my stepfather took all of my baseball cards and comic books to the top of the hill in the yard and lit them on fire. I grew up knowing nothing but fear and hatred. Why did my mother hate me so much? Why did her boyfriends always treat me the way that she did? Why did my real father not find me to be any sort of priority? When we talk now he plays the victim role. He says your mother didn't let me see you. He says if I saw you that you would of had more, you would of been able to play sports like you wanted to..etc. Now his excuses are this hurts, that hurts. He lives only 20 miles from me but yet we see him very infrequently. When we do it's only ever yo eat food. If he really wants to be a part of my life and his grandsons life wouldn't he do whatever it takes to make that happen? Isn't that what a real "man" supposed to be capable of ? All of this built up pain and frustration built up in my head really causes a strain on my marriage. My father says nothing is wrong with him. I guess knowing that he is a complete dead beat to his only son doesn't bother him. :(
To be continued
- Gender
- Male