Recent content by hermione

I have a new primary care doctor i just started seeing her in October and i have a psychiatrist, nutritionist and therapist.

Thank you for the support and I am a very controlled person in all aspects of my life I am very rigid and follow strict rules for myself. I am in therapy and my therapist is aware why I don't want boobs I don't want to be womanly that is when one of my abusers got violent and also when I got my...

Thanks for the support everyone i appreciate it. I am 31 been doing this since i was 8 and thing is i don't want boobs and I do have to work on the self hatred and wanting to disappear. I have to do this I have this or inpatient I have to just eat and plan meals and go shopping and have stuff...

I have had anorexia 23 years and its always a struggle. I am living with my parents until next week and i move back by myself completely no roommates nothing. I saw my nutritionist who saw my food record and said i eat much better with my parents my therapist said what does that say to her I...

Thanks for the support. If I didn't just get an apartment I may have more considered a higher level of care and I don't want to lose my therapist either so it's a lot of pressure but could be motivating if I use it that way... it's hard to get out of it I would take a quick psych stay to maybe...

I think what she said was true I would go to a higher level of care but she won't see me anymore if i go she is like done with me at that point. Its a difficult situation but i do still have suicidal thoughts I don't know if she should have hospitalized me last night but that would be the...

So had a pretty rough session with my therapist last night. She feels I am unstable and almost put me in the hospital last night because in my journal I talked about suicide and it had method and intent she said but I promised I wasn't anymore and I'm not but she is not sure my move is a good...

thanks for the support, I called my therapist she didn't pick up and i texted her too...I tried watching a movie it worked to a point I should have journaled but couldn't find the energy and reading is good for me too I just couldn't focus on anything...the pain is too much and my psychiatrist...

I have been so depressed this holiday season...I am just so tired of fighting...i hate the holidays for a lot of reasons mostly because i was abused heavily around those times and parties and what not so all of it is too much i hate just that i want to be happy but i can't...i think about...

really struggling i have started purging again which is not good its after everything i eat which isn't even much...i am supposed to do supplements as well and am not this is the story of my life spirialing out of control...that's how i feel having such a hard time and inpatient keeps coming up...

My best friend died of her eating disorder I know the risks and tonight I told my therapist I am fine and she said that is what your best friend used to say she said she has seen this story...my friend had more health issues though she had diabulimia so had added complications...she then told me...

Thanks for the support I have also spent a great deal of time in and out of hospitals and day programs and iop's I know the skills I think I just don't always apply them. This is a hard time of year so numbing seems good I am eating just not enough it's hard to force myself past safe foods and...

You're welcome it's a hard thing for me but if I keep losing I may have no choice in the matter of inpatient... the other day I was like in a trance and lost time and I had no idea what I did for hours my therapist said it is probably from lack of food and I need to eat more...I shouldn't have...

treatment in the past has made me worse not better maybe because i didn't want to get better but i usually just do worse there or have in the past thats why my therapist doesn't usually push me inpatient very quickly...

I have complex ptsd and anorexia and depression and anxiety. my anorexia is in a big spiral right now which my therapist warned me about with it coming up to all painful anniversaries and i was already struggling now i don't want to stop losing weight and i just lost and my nutritionist told me...