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jenis
Hi everyone. So glad to find you. Been feeling confused and misunderstood. It is wonderful to know I'm not alone.
I was brought up in a blue collar home with no emotion offered or accepted. I became a drinker and drugged and teen mom. (Been sober 25 years).
The quest to find love, the violent death of my brother at 19. The severe abuse of me and my 2oldest girls at the hand of mean man from 17 to 25 started it all.
Then was everything to everyone at the expense of me for 20 plus years. Cancer survivor 11 years. Many surgeries then the benzo to hold it together.
I finally said enough when my youngest was raised and shut down. Did not want to participate with life as I've known it. Said and still do say I will live in a tent by the river before I succumb to society standards as it's all crap.
Then lived in my car for 1plus years. Homeless shelter. One job after another. Family pushed me away didn't understand me. Then drugged and raped a year ago this month. I really did not understand what happened to my physical any more. My brain has been a fog. Been on fight or flight extreme. Things feel terrifying and not safe anymore.
My Dad and an old friend has taken me in on the verge of my death by self destruction and has cared for me. I am now just getting my mind to come back.
It's been terrifying.
My body doesn't feel the same. My brain feels fried. I don't want to go out and socialize. It's very difficult to keep going and find how to function after loosing so many jobs because i just go to a white noise place when stress comes and bolt or they let me go cause I'm not participating in people's bull shit. Yes I have a bit of an attitude. I'm going to stop now cause I'm getting anxious just writing this.
Thank you for reading some of my story and thank you for letting me know that others feel some of the same.
I was brought up in a blue collar home with no emotion offered or accepted. I became a drinker and drugged and teen mom. (Been sober 25 years).
The quest to find love, the violent death of my brother at 19. The severe abuse of me and my 2oldest girls at the hand of mean man from 17 to 25 started it all.
Then was everything to everyone at the expense of me for 20 plus years. Cancer survivor 11 years. Many surgeries then the benzo to hold it together.
I finally said enough when my youngest was raised and shut down. Did not want to participate with life as I've known it. Said and still do say I will live in a tent by the river before I succumb to society standards as it's all crap.
Then lived in my car for 1plus years. Homeless shelter. One job after another. Family pushed me away didn't understand me. Then drugged and raped a year ago this month. I really did not understand what happened to my physical any more. My brain has been a fog. Been on fight or flight extreme. Things feel terrifying and not safe anymore.
My Dad and an old friend has taken me in on the verge of my death by self destruction and has cared for me. I am now just getting my mind to come back.
It's been terrifying.
My body doesn't feel the same. My brain feels fried. I don't want to go out and socialize. It's very difficult to keep going and find how to function after loosing so many jobs because i just go to a white noise place when stress comes and bolt or they let me go cause I'm not participating in people's bull shit. Yes I have a bit of an attitude. I'm going to stop now cause I'm getting anxious just writing this.
Thank you for reading some of my story and thank you for letting me know that others feel some of the same.