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LondonLeo
I'm an adult survivor of childhood traumas by the hand of my own Father.
Physical beatings and emotional abuse spanning almost a decade.
Plus moving house a lot as a child, 5 Countries and around 15 schools, didn't help.
I've diagnosed myself with PTSD 30 years later (with some psychological therapy along the way) while I wait for an official diagnosis from a NHS psychiatrist.
A two year waiting list - I've got about 20 months to go.
I'm not coping well, I thought I was, but I'm not.
And it's getting worse.
The weed helps, but then again it doesn't, it's a problem ultimately.
I don't know how to stop sabotaging my own life.
I don't allow myself nice things in life, like holidays, or relationships, I keep everyone at a distance, I have only one close friend.
I work for myself, always have. Life is all about work.
I see work as away of escaping, to be able to fund my own therapy and slowly head in the right direction, I feel I can't rely on the NHS or others for help.
Don't eat, dislike most foods, don't enjoy the process of eating.
I used to eat like a horse and quite enjoyed food, once upon a time.
When I'm feeling positive, I make efforts to seek help, like this forum for example, I try to work on dealing with problems, with improving my life, going to work.
The biggest problem for me is when the slump comes, it undermines all the positive work I've just done, I don't arrive to my appointments, I don't respond to emails or calls.
I just shut myself away until I feel better again.
I've started to feel when the slump is coming a couple of days before, there seems no reason for it, I can think of no triggers that would cause it... it seems like it's on a cycle of ups and down, like a male menstrual cycle without the mess.
It's damaging everything around me.
Knowing the reasons why it happens doesn't stop it from happening.
It's hard work being me.
Physical beatings and emotional abuse spanning almost a decade.
Plus moving house a lot as a child, 5 Countries and around 15 schools, didn't help.
I've diagnosed myself with PTSD 30 years later (with some psychological therapy along the way) while I wait for an official diagnosis from a NHS psychiatrist.
A two year waiting list - I've got about 20 months to go.
I'm not coping well, I thought I was, but I'm not.
And it's getting worse.
The weed helps, but then again it doesn't, it's a problem ultimately.
I don't know how to stop sabotaging my own life.
I don't allow myself nice things in life, like holidays, or relationships, I keep everyone at a distance, I have only one close friend.
I work for myself, always have. Life is all about work.
I see work as away of escaping, to be able to fund my own therapy and slowly head in the right direction, I feel I can't rely on the NHS or others for help.
Don't eat, dislike most foods, don't enjoy the process of eating.
I used to eat like a horse and quite enjoyed food, once upon a time.
When I'm feeling positive, I make efforts to seek help, like this forum for example, I try to work on dealing with problems, with improving my life, going to work.
The biggest problem for me is when the slump comes, it undermines all the positive work I've just done, I don't arrive to my appointments, I don't respond to emails or calls.
I just shut myself away until I feel better again.
I've started to feel when the slump is coming a couple of days before, there seems no reason for it, I can think of no triggers that would cause it... it seems like it's on a cycle of ups and down, like a male menstrual cycle without the mess.
It's damaging everything around me.
Knowing the reasons why it happens doesn't stop it from happening.
It's hard work being me.
- Location
- London
- Gender
- Male