Recent content by Mawyanne

Hi Padfield, I'm glad you brought this up because I have always had very similar feelings...in fact when you mentioned orange streetlights I eerily get a sort of dejavu feeling, almost as if everything is suddenly in slow motion & I actually hear the sound of dead silence. It's fearful yet...

"Mommy, I am so sorry I said all those bad things about you and Dad! I don't ever want to hurt you!" Those are the sentiments I woke up with this morning... feeling so ashamed for saying anything bad about my mom. I'm recalling how it was always like walking on eggshells around my mom... because...

Oh, NO! Eve, you can NEVER give up! There is hope, I know there is! Even though it's taking SO long, we are all recovering! Maybe we won't ever recover 100% but like Shimmerz stated, I sure as heck am gonna find out! Besides, I kinda have the mind that if I give up then my abusers have won...

Does anybody else feel like they've spent half of their life 'surviving' and the other half recovering? Why couldn't I have long ago been able to recognize the traumatic life I grew up under and then been able to say, "Well, THAT happened!" and just move on? Why couldn't I just 're-invent'...

Thank you... and please see my reply to Ladee on this post... same thankfulness to you

Thank you Ladee for your compassionate words... kinda brought a tear to my eyes. I didn't expect such a response... you know, you grow up from infancy in a certain environment and you don't know any different, it's 'normal' as far as you know... until you say something and get such a response...

You are so right! Thank you! ...and I've never left my kids with them, neither of my parents are 'safe' in my opinion...which is why I never lived near them.

This is something to think about, isn't it? Yes, my mom knew but was in denial. I do suppose it's why, when my dad was in my room sitting by me when I was so frequently sick (door wide open) my mom would walk past my room so slowly, looking me in the eye and giving me a very dirty look, as if...

It sounds to me like you experienced enough as a child! Why compare it to how it could have been worse? It was bad enough on it's own. I also have difficulty with not knowing how I should feel about my mom's abusive actions to my brothers, sister and me. Maybe not knowing how to feel isn't the...

Why is this so hard for me to say (or write?) I've survived the slow recall of my childhood rape. It was a repressed memory that only began to come back after I was married for the first time. Even then, my very first flashback wasn't exactly what I admitted out loud to a therapist. No... the...

question... what's pdoc? and how does the Somatic Experiencing work for you?

TinkerG, I really appreciate all your comments! Gotta say, your last line was like hammer on a nail! I agree wholeheartedly! Thank you!

Hey SunSeeker! Finally getting back to you! The following is copied/pasted from an article on the myPTSD home page, scroll down & you'll find "cPTSD" >Complex trauma is not specific to any age group. However, those whom endure complex trauma during early childhood are more prone to long-term...

I gotta look at that again to make sure I don't misquote the "how" part, but I gotta run out right now... Get back to you later!

Hmm.. True, cPTSD is not an accepted diagnosis here in the States, rather it is a subcategory of PTSD. However, there are many differences in PTSD and complex PTSD...a major difference being the duration of the trauma/s. Torture, as you mentioned, made me think of War Veterans who suffer from...