Mystery

I have in recent years, discovered I have ptsd and am learning as much as I can about it. I'm not medicated as I don't respond well and feel sicker on it. I believe medication is not for me as I like to be able to tell whether what I am experiencing is real and not a side effect. I have experienced severe and prolonged trauma at the hands of two partners over 28 years. I see a clinical psych who specializes in treating trauma related issues and have spent 20 hrs with her so far. I've been reading this forum for a while and decided to join in order to educate myself and get some hope that I'm going to be able to function well again. I'm pretty sad about things coming to this and I need to get over it and get on with living with this and learning how I can best manage my symptoms and hopefully be symptom free. I have been such a super-strong resilient person in my life and to be 45 and now discover I am now this fragile has been a huge blow to my soul. I have a plan and it's coming together, one step at a time.