Orglethorp

Hello! My name is Jenna, and I'm currently an electrical engineering student at Memorial University of Newfoundland (MUN) in St. John's, NL, Canada. I'm originally from British Columbia, and I will likely end up back in the west when I'm done my degree, but for the time being I needed a change of scenery.

I grew up with a wonderful mother, two absolutely amazing (maternal) grandparents who acted as additional parents, and a truly sociopathic father. Though never officially diagnosed and treated, I have had far too many professionals agree with me to doubt my opinion that my father has Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD), coupled with a severe sex addiction and alcoholism. I survived my childhood and teenaged years by "growing up too fast" and doing my best to just forget and pretend that everyone was okay. None of my friends ever knew what went on every-other-weekend. To this day, most of the people I know face-to-face do not know that I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and incest.

I was officially diagnosed with PTSD shortly before my 19th birthday. I was living on my own for the first time, starting an engineering degree at a local prestigious university, when I found myself in an abusive relationship with a young man who I had known for several years. He had recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but refused treatment. He says he doesn't have bipolar, and while I can't really say whether he does or not, he has something. At the time, he was severely depressed, quick to anger, possessive of me, desperate to force me to have sex (tried to rape me at one point), and suicidal. He was also morbidly intrigued by my story, and routinely asked me to tell him what I remembered, but as soon as I started to get emotional, he would demand that I stop. This, I believe, is what lead to my first "breakdown." Suddenly I was having flashbacks on a daily basis, often multiple times a day. I was severly depressed. I was struggling with anxiety all the time. I had developed irritable bowel syndrome (still living with it) and acid reflux (thankfully gone). My self confidence was destroyed. I withdrew from engineering in my first semester, thinking I was too stupid to succeed. I moved to a local college, took up a bachelor of arts in history with a minor in psychology (because abnormal psych fascinates me), and started working toward becoming a teacher. I hoped that I would grow to love it.

Six years later, after having worked full time while going to school part time and hating what my future was looking like, nearly marrying a passive-aggressive young man who was looking for a mother rather than a wife, and finally starting to take risks and try things that I wanted to do even though I was unlikely to succeed (like starting ballet at 22 and somehow managing to go en pointe, take exams and compete in just 2 years), I finally admitted to myself that I had been wrong to drop out of engineering. In September 2012, at age 24, I started a new engineering degree at MUN. I still struggle with PTSD and depression every day, and I'm still hopelessly reclusive around all of my roommates save for one, but I'm able to put myself out there on campus, make friends, and get involved. I'm one of the founding mothers of one of MUN's first sororities, I volunteer in the community, and I actually go to parties when I'm invited.

As I sit here revising my "about me" spiel now, March 2013, I am 25 years old, and I have not had any contact with my father in exactly 10 years. Sometimes I feel like I'm "behind" on the normal life time line because of all that I've been through, and I suppose that's true, but I'm also thankful that I'm doing any of this at all. Better late than never, right?