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ThursdayZimBobWayz
Hello,
My name is MaryJane. Im in my early 20s. Growing up I was a smart bright kid. Never missed school, straight A's, honor roll, could have had a bright future. When I was 17 I met my first love. We were together for almost 6 years. For 6 years I barley spoke to my parents. I had no friends. I had no control over anything. Back and forth between love and hate. I cant bring my mind to travel back in time to explain what he did to me because its literally just pain. So confused on how someone who loves you can fool you for so many years. I have no trust for myself, I let this happen to me. Once I had a chance to escape I did... 6 years later... 6 years fighting a battle outside and inside. If a young bright girl with a future can destroy everything and make it rain the apocalypse upon her own self- who can really be trusted out there. If you cant trust yourself... needless to say I do not tolerate humans at all. The sick.. the needy ...the homeless.. the rich...the religious.. me... I hate you.. hate you all. But after restarting my life in paradise I met a new man. Kind, funny, and handsome but we are two completely different people, he has been through "worse" and yet he smiles daily and I'm just crazy. He sings all day and makes me laugh when I want to literally to see blood all day. I'm so jeolous of him but dont want him to leave because I'm grumpy, unhappy, and bitchy.. I want to be happy like him not just happy when I'm with him... Happy all the time .. not just a couple hours a day. I work in retail and its so funny the write ups for not acknowledging the customers. So not being a successful young bright one anymore this job is as good as it gets and my PTSD is about to cause me to lose my relationship all that I have thats makes me smile- to my job my source of income. I feel hopeless
Messed up Memory number 1
It was a frosty fall day in small town Fairmont WV. My ex and I were traveling down a narrow back road through the rolling hills. We were having a disagreement and it was heading south pretty fast. After being with someone for so long you get to know their predictable behaviors, I had my seat belt on because I knew he liked to slam the brakes when he got mad, and so he did. I jerked around a little but I was alive and not laying in the road. I was told to get out of the car, so I did. I guess the fact I was so calm, that I didn't get down on my knees in the mud and beg, that I would rather walk home than hear his voice anymore just pushed him. He stopped the car, rushed out to meet me at the front of the vehicle, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me, " YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!" "YOU DO THIS TO ME!" "YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY!" My ex took 12 years of martial arts and trained daily at the gym and I was 90 lbs. He picked me up by my shoulders and flung me over the guardrail like a rag doll. He failed to realize that he just dropped me off the edge of a cliff. I screamed as I slid down the side of the cliff scrambling for a limb, a branch, something to please save my life from this fall. I dug my hands so far into the cold hard mug and hung by my wrist, I dug my toes into the side of the soon to be froze mountain side and hugged the earth and cried what I thought would be my last cry. He was so mad and still angry and unaware I was hanging on for my life - drove off... 45 mins later screaming, crying and begging for someone to come help, it was dark now and I hear his music bumping down the road. When he found me, he "saved " me, I guess... all he did was dust some dirt off me and say " sorry" .
My name is MaryJane. Im in my early 20s. Growing up I was a smart bright kid. Never missed school, straight A's, honor roll, could have had a bright future. When I was 17 I met my first love. We were together for almost 6 years. For 6 years I barley spoke to my parents. I had no friends. I had no control over anything. Back and forth between love and hate. I cant bring my mind to travel back in time to explain what he did to me because its literally just pain. So confused on how someone who loves you can fool you for so many years. I have no trust for myself, I let this happen to me. Once I had a chance to escape I did... 6 years later... 6 years fighting a battle outside and inside. If a young bright girl with a future can destroy everything and make it rain the apocalypse upon her own self- who can really be trusted out there. If you cant trust yourself... needless to say I do not tolerate humans at all. The sick.. the needy ...the homeless.. the rich...the religious.. me... I hate you.. hate you all. But after restarting my life in paradise I met a new man. Kind, funny, and handsome but we are two completely different people, he has been through "worse" and yet he smiles daily and I'm just crazy. He sings all day and makes me laugh when I want to literally to see blood all day. I'm so jeolous of him but dont want him to leave because I'm grumpy, unhappy, and bitchy.. I want to be happy like him not just happy when I'm with him... Happy all the time .. not just a couple hours a day. I work in retail and its so funny the write ups for not acknowledging the customers. So not being a successful young bright one anymore this job is as good as it gets and my PTSD is about to cause me to lose my relationship all that I have thats makes me smile- to my job my source of income. I feel hopeless
Messed up Memory number 1
It was a frosty fall day in small town Fairmont WV. My ex and I were traveling down a narrow back road through the rolling hills. We were having a disagreement and it was heading south pretty fast. After being with someone for so long you get to know their predictable behaviors, I had my seat belt on because I knew he liked to slam the brakes when he got mad, and so he did. I jerked around a little but I was alive and not laying in the road. I was told to get out of the car, so I did. I guess the fact I was so calm, that I didn't get down on my knees in the mud and beg, that I would rather walk home than hear his voice anymore just pushed him. He stopped the car, rushed out to meet me at the front of the vehicle, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me, " YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!" "YOU DO THIS TO ME!" "YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY!" My ex took 12 years of martial arts and trained daily at the gym and I was 90 lbs. He picked me up by my shoulders and flung me over the guardrail like a rag doll. He failed to realize that he just dropped me off the edge of a cliff. I screamed as I slid down the side of the cliff scrambling for a limb, a branch, something to please save my life from this fall. I dug my hands so far into the cold hard mug and hung by my wrist, I dug my toes into the side of the soon to be froze mountain side and hugged the earth and cried what I thought would be my last cry. He was so mad and still angry and unaware I was hanging on for my life - drove off... 45 mins later screaming, crying and begging for someone to come help, it was dark now and I hear his music bumping down the road. When he found me, he "saved " me, I guess... all he did was dust some dirt off me and say " sorry" .
