Recent content by user38116

Luckily, I'm fine. Unfortunately my head is still a complete mess.

I was sectioned the other day after trying to kill myself. However I was out the next day as I was cogent and they didn't want to use valuable bed space.

I actually have two therapists and see one of them almost every day. the PTSD just needs to get manageable so I can return to work! screw love. I just want to be able to work again!!!!!

I feel really guilty because I snapped into a flashback when she threatened to throw me out of the apartment (the previous one did this in definable trauma, after I made myself homeless to free up cash for her mortgage) and things got so nasty I hit her. She of course then blamed me for...

I am a strong man. I am a brilliant man that built two business simultaneously, working myself to death, to try and give what that evil woman wanted. I so regret after she left me (a fact she entirely denies - I "ran off with a whore") I fell for another woman who just gaslighted me and wanted...

Yes. I agree. I feel compelled to work at relationships and satisfy the other person (usually because they gaslight me that I am the problem, and assume ZERO liability themselves!). Never again. I do not understand your point about where the anxiety comes from. Is it grief?

Yes, I think that is true. They call it "love" but what they actually mean is taking advantage of me and controlling me. Those women really deserve to burn in hell for what they did. And my father most of all. I just don't understand where the constant obsession and anxiety come from...

I just woke up yet again at 2am from a vivid nightmare that K (the second woman) discarded me and then had sex with my BROTHER in front of me (or someone identical to him). Discussed in EMDR today how my father always preferred my brother to me (I don't resent my brother for this, just meant he...

You're right. It's just hard because of the debilitating fear. Part of the fear is overwhelming guilt. I think it comes from a link between my dad basically trying to kill me and the abuse of these women which makes me equate rejection / their accusations with imminent death. The first one...

Correct. You are gravitating towards people that use you. As have I, because I have been blind to their abusive behavior. No longer however. I am better than them and I can do better for myself.

6 weekends in hospital helped me get to a diagnosis but not relief. Best is as regular therapy as you can find.

I am holding out in hope that it is true. Throwing everything at therapy to recover. Otherwise will lose everything.

The thing that I can't understand is why, now my cognition has been "fixed" and I understand truly this whole atrocious narrative, is why the physical symptoms remain and the obsessions / compulsions to find out what the second woman is doing with her life post-discard (I know about the first)...

Yes - I know. I know what exactly led to this. I have a problem from childhood that I do not recognise abuse as my father was a narcissistic psychopath. So when these women were abusing me, I simply didn't see it as abusive. It was my definition of love. The more controlling, the more they loved...

I just want to die. I feel like I failed her. She was so beautiful and so what the insane demands she made. I should have been better and stronger. It's my fault.