Recent content by user44376

I’m hyper-vigilant, paranoid, mistrustful, nihilistic, misanthropic, pessimistic, agitated, enraged, weepy, self-pitying, hopeful and motivated. Usually on the same day if not in the same week. When it’s bad I punch myself in the face, destroy my own property and smoke copious amounts of weed to...

Scotch and soda.

My soul is tired and hurt. I feel exhausted and have come to really despise people who keep throwing “go lift brah” in my face as some kind of exercise panacea.

Went on a date this week. It was nice. Need to cut back on weed again. Getting a bit much. I have too many books to read and have reached a point where I literally can’t pick one to read. It drives me nuts. I still don’t trust anyone.

Poison by Reks. Great rapper.

Finding out I have to explain my entire story yet again to my disability company who now want a second opinion. New Dr. Same story. Next week is going to be a challenge. Really rude people at the mall. Unreal.

I have trouble with the connotation of wounded, which to me sounds like a flesh would. I’m broken. Not wounded. Then again I detest all this PC labelling nonsense. I’m mentally ill. No point in sugarcoating it. I also equally dislike victim or survivor, which always struck me as either two sides...

I’ve tried but it lacks that sick pathological need for pain I also feel. And I’m not even a masochist at all. I don’t like pain. But the agitation seems to subside faster if I can hurt myself. Sad. Perhaps the pain is just a distraction?

My career My ability to work with kids which was my life’s joy My marriage, more than likely My ability to feel joy To trust others Turning what I thought was going to be simple lifelong introversion and a touch of cool eccentricity into a solitary hermit existence where I punch myself and stay...

Advil for my aching, pummeled face.

When you spend more time thinking of reasons to leave a social situation than you do in the actual situation.

Consciousness.

Yeah I talked to my Dr and he agreed to stop now. Wish me luck.

This will never end. I’ll never feel love again. Or even human touch. Abilify is a horrific drug My therapist is the most patient human I’ve ever known How much longer will I keep punching myself before I do serious harm? It’s not a good day. And no one gets it.

First post for a few months. Hello to everyone. I started taking Abilify in November and I’m at 4mg pd now which I know is not a significant dose. Recently I’ve been feeling very angry and agitated. After some research I discovered akathisia. I was more worried about tardive dyskenisia (sp?)...