Search results

Frustrated as hell. Anxious. Running in a million directions at once and going nowhere.

Yeah. This sums up my childhood and my current relationship with my parents. I've been writing a good deal about how they ignore my needs (past and present) and favor either my father's needs or any family pet's needs. The focus was either on my father's achievements and major ego boosting or...

My fear. My worthlessness (second class rating) as seen by my parents.

Lizio: I'm so sorry you went through that emotional barrage of pain. The more I read your stuff, the more I realize that my experience really was 'that bad.' Lots of similarities. I'll leave it at that.

Lizio: I can relate. I was taught that when I protested or expressed my opinion/wants- I was being selfish. Even worse, I was being 'like my father' who my mother claimed was crazy, but for some reason she stayed with him. It's hard for me to justify taking care of myself. It's so easy to help...

Who has a phobia based on PTSD experiences? How do you deal with it? My gephyrophobia (bridge fear) has been getting out of hand (the more I drive across bridges) and I have full blown panic attacks due to bridge crossing. I think this is based on childhood events involving bridges. In a...

Thanks JB.

Trying to not feel like 'nothing.' I guess that's my code for 'feeling unimportant, small and meaningless.' I want to feel like 'something' or 'someone.'

Today I was 'brave' according to my bf. I feel more like 'freak', but I'll try to hang onto 'brave.'

Anxious. Anxious. Anxious. Moments of clarity and calm. Tiny moments. Reciting the Serenity Prayer.

Yup. I think the occur when I'm stressed. I'm learning to calm myself. I think that's the key for me.

Is it constant for you, or do you have 'episodes?'

I.hate.vertigo. Yes, I have problems with it. I think it may be some kind of precursor to a migraine. Learn to be kind to yourself- forgiving. Don't abuse yourself if you feel an attack come on. I'm speaking from my own personal experience. I chew gum a lot. Drink hot tea (sometimes coffee...

Going back to those kid feelings of being a total pain in the ass to my parents. I was a nuisance, annoyance, drama-queen, being melodramatic- all things that implied that my feelings were unwarranted and unnecessary. I'm trying to fight them right now, so things are a little hairy at the moment.

A burden? Me? Yeah... :( Sometimes. I'm working on boosting the esteem so that I feel better about myself. Years of being told that I was 'the problem' most likely contributed to this feeling of being a burden.

U.S. sirens (ambulance, police or fire). U.K. sirens are ok- they don't bother me (well, think of the one in the Black S4bbath song). When I hear sirens, I automatically start to move into crying mode. I feel scared, my face screws up and I have to fight to not cry. I have no idea why. This...

I'm just kind of here right now.

Maybe a little hopeful for today. Some apprehension. Was feeling horribly trapped yesterday- hopefully that will not continue today.

Feeling alone, left behind. Rejected. Worthless.

I'm here because my parents got drunk and had sex. At least that's what they told me. Apparently, it was supposed to be funny. I have no f*cking clue why I'm here.

Feeling some anxiety. It feels like it may be hard to leave the house today, but I have to go. Feeling glum. Lonely. Isolated.

I honestly do not know since I started cursing at the age of 2-3. Apparently I learned it from my father. I don't know how long I had PTSD. My T thinks the violence went on basically from birth, but I don't remember anything earlier than 2-3ish.

3. I can cook (pretty well, I think- others think so too) and I just made homemade bread!

Oh, I don't mean to imply that all people who experience trauma only have black and white thinking. I'm also aware of grey areas- much more aware of them now! But, when I'm in a 'rough' spot or remembering things that are painful, I tend to backtrack and just see the black and white.

My T told me something the other day that I found curious. I tend to have 'black and white' thinking when it comes to 'fairness.' In other words, I tend to get really upset (i.e. pissed off) when I find out that people have beaten the system, cheated or found ways to throw other people under the...