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Thank you for sharing that! I think my biggest fear is that I don't matter. I would like to talk to him about why he freezes, and if he is aware of it, but I'm afraid that that might cause him to freeze too. This time, after telling him how I felt, I basically said to him that there is a lot...

Thank you for your reply. I agree, and I think this struggle is partly about me finding my voice, although obviously the freezing makes it more difficult. There will always be days where the answer to this is "no" but mostly for now, it is still "yes". I think I have to be brave enough to keep...

Hi everyone, Just looking for some feedback from either side of the aisle. This is a bit of a ramble - when I re-read it, I bolded the thing I think I am really trying to ask. For Context: My partner has been going through a lot of changes in his life, and has spent a lot of the last year...

Ok, I'm going to try this rant thing and see if it can help me move on with my day. My partner took a night job, 11pm-7am 5 nights a week. Without giving me any warning or discussing it with me until it was pretty much a done deal. I know he's worried about money right now, however I asked him...

Thank you!!! I think that is probably quite close to the truth. It's good intentions all around! I end up feeling like a horrible partner because he's been struggling with something that I didn't know about and didn't help with, but not involving me could well be his way of looking after me. I...

Coming back to this thread with a new question, but I think it's still within the parameters of "how much space to give?" And also about trust. Because of trust, I feel anxious about sharing too many details, but basically I helped navigate the paperwork for him when he bought his first...

I'm sorry you are going through this. I spent a lot of yesterday thinking about how best to answer you! Right now, things are better. He's more relaxed again. We are super busy with work and he's working pretty much every night and weekend on his house, so it's a bit "ships passing in the...

Thank you. This last comment had me smiling a little all week. I'm a big stupid romantic who believes in happy endings. IRL life, work is super stressful. He sat with me for about 2 hours the other day, not talking much at all, but when I said maybe I should let him go and get on with things, he...

That's what scares me, because the only thing worse than no therapist is a bad therapist!!!! Thanks, that's helpful because I didn't realize that to use those letters you actually had to study and qualify for those types of work, and that does help narrow it down.

Ha! Yes. I do actually like quite a lot of space, so in some ways this time has been good for me to regroup and rebuild myself and I'm sort of kind of ok with it, despite all of the above. However, I would feel a lot better about it if I knew it was for a finite period of time: I'm ok being...

No, and I think he (and maybe sometimes we) definitely should. And it's one of the things I'd like to bring up with him. And then of course, assuming he is open to the idea, there is the next problem of finding a therapist that is good, and that we can afford. I've tried searching for trauma...

Thank you for all of this. I'm just coming back and re-reading what you wrote and re-digesting it. I've been trying all week to find an opportunity to talk, and then putting it off to the next day, and then lying awake half the night trying to work out what to say, and then the day I was really...

So I'm back from travel, and.....confused. He was able to talk to me on the phone again for several weeks before I came back, and I was looking forward to seeing him. However, since I've been back (just over a week now) he ignores any messages I've sent about meeting up, and when I've brought it...

Haha! Yep. It's like I don't feel quite so crazy, or at least, if I am, so is everyone else. Dealing with all this can be SO isolating. You didn't do anything and you probably couldn't have prevented it, but that's a hard thing to come to terms with, because the lack of any kind of control (at...

That's the exhausting part, because if it was based on logic it wouldn't have happened in the first place. Some years ago my partner blocked my number while I was away on tour performing at an arts festival that I had told him about in advance, and had asked him to come with me. Long story short...

Thank you. Yes, I think it's the same for him. We are speaking on the phone again now, although it's mostly about work: he's still not in a great place but I'm happy I'm allowed to share it again, and I'll be back in a week, thank goodness. I realized about my "stupidity" now that we are...

I'm so so sorry you're going through all this (am just seeing these posts). It's such an awful feeling and the isolation one of the worst parts, so I don't think you should feel bad about the forum - I wish I'd known about it when I was going through stuff several years ago. I think you do end...

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It gives me hope that things can change for him, which would be great, because he doesn't deserve (I mean none of us do...) to carry this burden around. I'm really glad that you found someone who is a good fit for you that can help you.

Hi, I'm new here as well: just wanted to reach out and say I hope things are getting better - I know how hard it is to wait and not let your brain go into a spin and drive you crazy. I don't at all know how to deal with it: I do know that with my partner, the thing I've worked out is that when...

I agree, and I know that I can't fix him. In some ways he is quite self aware, in that he's been able to explain to me that his head "comes and goes", and that sometimes he doesn't feel anything about anything. I had been in therapy myself for years, although I'm taking a break right now, and my...

Thank you for this. I know, rationally, that I didn't do anything to deserve such an extreme response, and the response is indicative of his general level of distress at the moment. Also that if this wasn't the trigger, something else could have been. I'm trying to be kind to myself and I...

Hi everyone, I'm sorry if this is too long, or too inarticulate. I'm exhausted. For background I've been with my partner for 13 years, on and off and on again. He is the love of my life. He is strong, and kind, and observant, and we can laugh together, and when I'm with him he feels like home...