Search results

At 48 growing up in Mississippi the worst thing you could be or fear you could have was the thought of being gay. That is such a sad thing to write and say. My first sexual experience was at 2 or 3 (all I know is I could walk, talk and had my 4rth birthday at a different house). A boy my age...

Littleoc, I have never been raped but I almost was at 13-14 by a master manipulator. Predators are very good at what they do. That said they have a lot of things in common. They are most likely people we know and have access to us. They don't immediately go from A to Z. They ease...

I came at this from a different angle than you did. In dealing with my wife's rapist I had some major problems. My problem as it relates to Santa, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny is we teach children they are real which is a lie. It's not a lie that does great damage in my opinion but...

Eve, Thanks for your response/clarification. Looking forward to your return. hooper

Eve, Would you mind explaining being in 100% control. The reason I ask is my wife has to be in control. She is a pleaser as am I but I am not allowed to please which is highly frustrating. I'm limited in what I'm allowed to do and based on her history of sexual abuse I don't push the...

My therapist is a Girl Scout. I asked and she said it was insurance fraud which I could see being true. She’s not comfortable with it so I am not going to push her.

Rumors, I'm guilty of poor use of sarcasm when I try to make a point. Mental health care has long been a bastard step child of medicine but it is important. I understand managed health care is there for a reason but it has little practical value when it comes to mental health. I've...

With what I pay for healthcare I do not feel like paying out of pocket although my out of pocked copay has risen 125% in less than 3 years. If a doctor is performing a knee replacement that takes 3 hours but runs into complications and it takes 5 hours he would be in a law suit for malpractice...

When I walked into my therapist office the first time and many times since there is a 5-10 minute period of time for whatever reason before things get going. I blink and I see my therapist watching the clock behind me. Nothing against her because she has someone sitting outside. After a few...

I dealt with a lot of crap as a 10-15 year old and part of that was burying it. Going back through it in my mid to late 40's as an adult did not make it easier. I found that what happened to me angers me more as an adult who understands what was done more than I was angered as a child. I...

I hunted down my wife's rapist and it actually benefited me. I checked his criminal record which was clean and saw his family. I wanted to hurt him badly but knew it was a bad decision. Seeing his children and knowing hurting their father would hurt them was beneficial to me. Unlike posts...

If you can't speak about it don't. Keep writing. Speaking with someone like a therapist is a good idea but writing lets you collect your thoughts and organize them without the interruptions of conversation. As for telling your husband I can tell you when my wife told me in generalities she...

I am on the opposite side of your equation. I am the son who has a toxic relationship with my Mom. What I have had to accept is my Mom is mentally ill and I can not change that or the problems she has with my decision to live with my father when I was 10 post divorce. I cut off contact 2...

I'm assuming you meant you were pregnant after reading the rest. My wife was raped on New Years Eve as well so your story hits home with me. Her rapist was her 16 year old boyfriend who was in the same grade as her (8th) when she was 13. I have a lot of problems with the way her mother...

I'm on one of my rereading posts from my past to see what if any progress I've made. I've been through a long period of stagnation since my options of justice, revenge/another form of justice and forgiveness were all nonviable options. Something has happened recently that has helped me...

I'm going to hit 3 years in April of therapy. I don't write my appointments down but have a vague idea of when they are coming up before I get the reminder email/text. I still get anxious about it. I never know what is going to come up. Because of cost and effectiveness of the process I'm...

I actually went the route of becoming a father. With the childhood I had I never wanted children and didn't until my late 30's. I had the impression I would have no life if I had kids. I'd be bound balls and chains. The truth was I did not have a life before I had kids and it took having...

I may have agreed with your belief that I should love my mother unconditionally prior to becoming a parent. Once I did become a parent I knew what unconditional love meant. My mother has been abusive to me since I was 10 years old and told the judge I wanted to live with my father when they...

Driven to get revenge and actually doing it are 2 completely different things. The article states "What drives some people to act out of vengefulness more than others? Sadism is the dominant Link Removed trait that makes certain people more likely than others to seek revenge." The OP as best I...

"You forgiving your wife’s rapist isn’t even in the same universe as a rape victim forgiving their rapist." I agree with you 100% and not once did I say it was in the same universe. I will say my wife forgave her rapist and it helped her. I'm not trying to shove forgiveness down anyones...

I don't know exactly what happened to you but I can tell you this. When you enter a situation that you think is one thing with a person and they have carefully planned what they choose to take from you you are not a pathetic idiot. The fact that you couldn't escape was by design. I know it...

After living 48 years I've had my share of trauma. One theory of my therapist is I am never dealt with my traumatic childhood and channeled it through my wife. Did my trauma equal my wife's? I don''t know. I do know she has handled her traumas better than I have handled mine. Despite my and...

I don't either but to get to forgiveness you have to accept that you can't change the past but you don't have to accept what was done. I am rethinking my definition of forgiveness. I've always seen it as an act of generosity to someone else that may not be merited. I'm now seeing it as an act...

Deeplyloved, I've gotten a lot out of other posts besides yours but I'm going to have to single you out based on what you said above. What you said got me thinking. I know you don't mention it but forgiveness and what you wrote above are intertwined. My problem in the past with...

@jael, I don't think my marriage is on the rocks by any stretch. As for therapy the details came out 2 Aprils ago. So this April will be 3 years of therapy. My therapist as well as my wife agree with Texcat that I have personalized her trauma. As for my anger I don't think it's...