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In my case my wife is the stoic one. She went with minimal details in the beginning but even that was distressing because at the time it was an 8-9 year old wound. The night I asked for details was a normal night for just about any married couple. I wanted to have sex and she did not. I...

When someone hurts the person you love most it stings. My anger is towards her rapist as well as her mother for allowing her 13 year old daughter date not just a 16 year old but a 16 year old that was in her same grade. There is a big difference between myself and your husband. I know the...

Why would it not sting on an emotional level? Intellectually I get it. We've both had 4 significant relationships or 3 excluding each other. I never thought he would have been one but he was. I didn't know that until recently. There's more to it than just the rape. He raped her and cheated...

Of course she was. Every guy that knew which happened to be every guy thought she was open game. She graduated a year early. The part I have trouble with emotionally is she continued the relationship in an effort to deny what happened. Intellectually I know this is common but it still...

This happened to my wife. She was 13 and he was 16. How do you insure you can get a 13 year old out of the house late as well as intoxicated? You do it on New Year's Eve. It messes with my head every year knowing the date, his identity and his methodology. He even told everyone at school...

We can't post links but search under youtube "Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski on anger". Like you I have anger issues out the wazoo. I'm angry at very few people but it is to the extreme. This is advice from a member of a race that a large group of people tried to exterminate from our planet and a...

Scout, I can't remember everything I've written here. I was sent to a shrink along with my brothers during my parents divorce to determine how we were doing. Of the 3 I was affected most. If given the choice I sit in back corners and observe knowing how to get out which is odd because...

All I know from psychologists from my childhood was that I was highly dissociative (that's my recollection of a professional opinion at the time) and that I buried things. Now I'm an adult of questionable intelligence in my decision to take up my new past time of digging up what was perfectly...

1. I'd like to end up at some form of peace that my wife has. I'd like to sleep regularly. I'd like to figure out a way to contribute to some form of prevention. 2. Same as above with the addition of getting out of therapy. 3. See to it that nothing like this ever happens to them and they...

I don't know if I have PTSD or not but I doubt it as does my therapist. I'm not remotely religious but the first part of the serenity prayer of "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" does not apply to me. I wasn't granted anything remotely close to that. I've dealt...

My last thread on the subject was "Best thing for him really, his therapy was going nowhere". I've actually been doing a lot of introspection and wonder if therapy is really good for everyone. According to my wife and therapist I am taking on her trauma to deal with my own which I never dealt...

There's a poster here that knows how I feel about this. So your relative needs relief and to get relief she wants you to talk it out with her husband/your abuser and your therapist thinks great but I don't have to believe you and you are at the bottom of the totem pole with nothing to gain and...

I wonder if that is why I visit this site and am posting on this thread in the sexual assault forum as I type. I think the previous sentence is a partial truth. I get/got a lot out of coming here. I've found it to be beneficial to the point I wonder why I've spent $2k on therapy in 2 1/2...

I get the sleepless nights before therapy. I try to collect my thoughts so I go over what I want to discuss and make the most of my time. Afterwards not as much but I'm not saying it doesn't happen. It's mostly what happens during the course of a normal day that sets me off. I went to take...

Justmehere, The odd thing for me about my childhood trauma is I thought it was normal. It was all I knew. There were things I simply wanted to forget and have. I knew I had it bad but I also knew others had it worse and for some strange reason that was reassuring. I've said it...

Nessa/Justmehere/Scout, To start thank you for the time you put into this. Once again I'm sleep deprived and there is so much quality observations that are correct that I'm just going to have to babble and not address each issue. I've already got a headache and responding point by point...

You're right about a lot of what you say. I'm too tired to get into it but will tomorrow. My day consisted of a roof repair estimate of $20k and my therapist suggesting I do 2-4 weeks of intensive therapy in Arizona to deal with childhood trauma that affects the way I am dealing with my wife's...

Where to start. I just asked my wife if I was ocd and she says not at all. She's a teacher and see's ocd kids all day. As for obsession I have done that and it has been very profitable. My mother (who I don't like but you don't mess with my mom) was taken by a con man for $120k. It's a long...

I have not looked into that but I think I could handle that. Appreciate the suggestion.

I'm the one that said I obsess over it but part of that is trying to understand and get to a better place. The more I find out though the worse it gets. The discussion of sex is so taboo for some reason. We need to be more open about it. Predators walk the grey areas. Light needs to be...

I hide it from her. I don't want to get her upset. If I could rewrite my post I'm not sure obsess is the correct word. I am shocked more people don't feel the way I do. When you add male and female rape you get 23-28% of the population is raped. The population of the US is 323 million. If...

"Can I offer a suggestion of maybe help out in women's shelters or institutions that help the abused? Might make you feel like you're helping, even if you don't give up on trying to find the perpetrator." My wife and therapist suggested this. I think I might could help but I also think it...

The title is a quote from Dr. Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. Unlike the man he was speaking of I am alive and my head is not in a jar. Like the man he was speaking of I do feel like my therapy is going nowhere. I won't go so far as to say I have not benefited because I think I have...

I'm working on that. When I first did EMDR I finally made a connection between my wife's rapist and my own mother. When she tried to put the father of her own children in jail where I knew rape occurred (don't know how at 10-12 I knew that) I saw her as somewhat of an accessory to rape. The...

My friends that know me well would laugh at the thought of me being in law enforcement. If I were in law enforcement I'd end up getting in trouble. Would I advise a victim to play the 6 out of 1000 lottery all to be victimized again at trial? Speaking from the US system there are too many...