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Changeling, You're welcome to post as much or as little as you want if it is beneficial to you. You're input is beneficial to me. However you see fit.

Changeling, That is interesting. When my wife told me what happened I poured over my sexual history to see if there was anything remotely similar. First time intimacy with someone new was what I was thinking back on. This was late 80's early 90's but I don't remember anything that seemed...

@abigail7 Very well said. What I am learning in therapy is although my wife was the one raped it set off me to a great degree due to what happened to me in my parents divorce. It went bad is an understatement. My older brother and I went with my Dad and my younger brother went with...

Fadeaway, I was just reading those stats as well as others. Read what Wikipedia has to say about the USA. Much less but it's confusing because one country may do a poll to determine percentages and another may use prosecutions or convictions steering the number low. I concede my...

I know Holland has a low rape rate but I don't know about the conviction side but I would imagine they could manhandle beating .6%. It is cultural but they see sex as normal. They know their teenaged children are raging with hormones. They know whether they prohibit their children having sex...

I can't imagine being in your shoes. I was so outraged I slept maybe 3 hours a night for 2 weeks. Went to 5 hours with ambien. I knew back in 2000 it had happened but she didn't seem to want to talk about it and it was said in a you need to know disclosure form so I never asked exactly what...

Nyssa, Your post is right on the money. Sorry to leave out everyone. Your right about outrage and I know my wife blamed herself and denied what happened because it was a date rape. Part of the denial was staying in the relationship for a few more months. Thanks for your input.

It may be a fantasy but for me it helps to cope. I wonder if fathers, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, spouses, etc. did pursue this fantasy at a high rate (60% vs .6%) if rapes would decrease. I also wonder what their conviction rate would be if they were caught pursuing this fantasy. I'd...

I was messaging a friend I met here about the trouble I've had 2 years post therapy of dealing with my wife's date rape 25 years ago. I have a thread on it "just found out the details of my wife's rape" that was very helpful and got me in therapy where I still am today. My biggest problem is...

Whether rape or not I'd end it. He will probably escalate what he wants and if you can not speak you don't need to put yourself in that position.

I see your dilemma. I don't know what the numbers are in Canada but in the US we have maybe a 3% conviction rate. If you have him dead to rights I hope you do but if you don't I'd understand. If it's the same in Canada you will be put on trial. Wish you the best.

It didn't help me retrieve memories. We went over worse fears as a child. Mine was when my mother tried to put my father in prison for embezzling $40-50k from the family business into a joint acct she benefited from. My issue was my wife's rape. What emdr did for me was tied 2 totally...

No problem. My wife still has trouble following my train of thought after 17 years. I make perfect sense to myself though.

@Fadeaway, Your question may be better suited for the op. When she said "but when I met him 16 months ago I put up a front and just took it (sex) but its been months of just the odd disassociated blow job when he gets desperate" I took that to mean she was far more sexual in the...

I think this is a big part of the problem. If you start of by putting up a front of having sex and then stop it's going to cause the problems you're having. If the issue were discussed on the front end and treated sex like you truly felt about it (nauseating) he would be in a much better...

I would advise against disclosing details. To see why go to "just found out the details of my wife's rape" thread I started almost 2 years ago. I would never advise not to prosecute but the odds are so bad (3% is the last I heard on conviction rates) that it's hard to advise to prosecute. My...

That's always possible but I doubt it. I always wondered if I was normal mainly because I didn't want to be. I'd take a little nuts over normal personally. The nature vs nurture question. With trauma I'd say environment outweighs genes. Can't answer that. I can say I don't know really any...

Junebug, I'm glad you got something out of what I had to say. I definitely got something out of writing it out. If you were to come across someone who lacked in compassion and couldn't forgive you for being a victim I would be tempted to have nothing to do with them or accept that they...

FYI I inserted most of what I had to say in your quote. Sorry. Just didn't want to miss anything.

Junebug, I've been wanting to start my own thread on where I am with this exact issue. In April it will be 2 years when I stumbled on this site and started "just found out the details of my wife's rape" thread. I've come a ways sense then and will elaborate here but if you want to see...

I am dealing with this right now. Not pictures of me but my wife. She was date raped New Years Eve 1991 by her boyfriend so this is a 25th anniversary of sorts. She told me her sister was having her 25th anniversary of being married on the 28th which was 3 days before the rape. At her...

Strange week. It started with my wife telling me it was her sister's 25th anniversary on the 28th. She is 10 years older than my wife. I know my wife was raped 25 years ago today. New Year's eve is hard to forget. My wife's Mom was an aspiring photographer and we went by her house after...

I'm a 47 yr old aging white guy and I can't stand Trump. The strange thing about this election is people are not so much voting for who they like the most as much as they are voting against who they despise the least. What amazes me is how Trump has shown us most is how many people support his...

I sent you a couple of links by message. I'm kind of an avid researcher and collect things that hit home. As I said in my message I'm not in your boat but my wife is and these things helped me. Hope you find them useful. hooper

What gets me more is Trump admits this is his modus operandi, dismisses words out of his own mouth as locker room banter and then categorically denies the allegations. He says his victims were lying but never acknowledges his own lies and everyone lets him get away with it. Listening to the...