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@Sideways: I feel triggered and offended by your last post. Your response to grit was not ok either. Your assumptions regarding the premise of my thread are wrong unless you can otherwise prove that you know my intensions better than I do. For someone who is so comfortable in their position on...

Oh thank you Ronin cause this mention of responsibility has cleared things up for me. I’ ve been told repeatedly by others “You are not responsible for so and so”. “Stop offering help. It makes others feel obligated”.....So slowly, I became that person that didn’t do everything for a friend and...

@Butterfly: Way to go. I am so happy for you. @Respectfully1979 : "reframing my story to be a positive one of personal growth " This is the way to do it. See life as for you and not against you. Even when it is a domino effect of bad things happening to me, I ask myself what is the good that can...

I live in Denmark. 44% here live alone. Half do not want to ever change that. It is certainly less stressful. The divorce rate is 60%. Men tend to complain about the lack of intimacy, sex and difficulty in finding wives. 70,000 men in relationships have filed physical abuse from women. More and...

My apologies for being unclear. Regardless of whether we are sufferers, supporters or both, I have observed that in general more people have become aware that we need to be mindful of stress levels. The way we think about relationships will raise or lower those stress levels. I have tried to...

How PTSD and Trauma Affect Your Brain Functioning This article explains well the two parts of the brain that are affected. It has helped me so much to educate myself about the brain.

I've identify some thinking patterns we can all recognize. Please don't discuss the appropriateness of the name I have chosen for each mentality. Instead, I would like you to consider if there is a mentality that is dominant for you when you are in a relationship. Then I would like to ask if...

Would it be possible for you to stop worrying about his needs and to take care of your own needs while he's away? How would you feel if you could surrender to the idea that he manages best when he doesn't need to worry about how much you are negatively affected? This takes years of practice...

Exact same story with my guy as yours. However, he then changed his mind and said that he has always seen one. It must be heartbreaking when they feel that no progress is made. Their brains takeover and they get to watch in horror. His stories are not consistent but his behaviour is. Therefore...

@Respectfully1979 Any complimentment, word of kindness and encouragement can be easily interpreted as irony, pity or taken as a down right lie. Then come the apologies and regrets and the whole things is so exhausting for both parties. This is why I don’t dwell on what is said. The words you say...

This is where sufferers are different. This is where comorbidity with other mental issues complicates things. And it can seem like a multiple personality thing because the identity can be shattered. When not symptomatic the response is different. In those occasions, they may open up. It can be...

While push and pull is quite common, the amount of space needed differs. I am now meeting my friend after four months of no contact. He stopped answering texts and I wrote looks like you need space. I initiated the contact by sending him a mp3 file of a song we like. So we will meet on thursday...

I drove myself crazy trying to figure out if bad behaviour was ok bc after all he is sick.... Please be kind, understanding and respectful to yourself. When communication fails, develop a sense of intuition that helps you predict behaviour. Then decide what you will do not what he should be...

All these expectations that are normally attached to a romantic relationship are typically not sustainable for the sufferer. Perhaps, with a lot of effort it can be done for a short period. Once he put it to me this way, he said " imagine the worst flu you ever had and someone is waiting for you...

They definitely do fear hurting us. I use to tell myself that there was no point in getting hurt if no hurt is intended. But a better way of saying it is I learned not to give away my heart and not to allow him to hurt me. He wrote me an email today asking me if I had called. He wrote that he...

The similarities blow me away. Even the words that are chosen and the way they are said give me this Erie feeling as if we were dating the same guy. The behaviours tend to transcend age, culture and sex. Have you noticed how predictable it all gets? We don't get to have what we need and want no...

Thank you Butterfly. I have been looking at your story by reading your posts. I resonate so much with what you write and went through. There is something about the push pull behavior that seems to create an unhealthy obsessional addiction to the person being avoidant. In my case, I am letting go...

I am going through the same. The stronger the connection and the higher my hopes got, the longer the pushing away became. I won't contact him. I don't regret the insights. When he says I can't, it doesn't mean I don't want. It means I can't. I seemed to be a constant reminder of what he couldn't...

40 years ago, we couldn't talk about sexuality. Having any different preference made you suspect and worse prosecuted. To end this some brave few spoke out into the quiet room. This was in spite of the status quo..in spite of the consensus of what is appropriate .......and the world everywhere...

So so true. In my case, I sense. Visual cues are my blind spots but my ears wow.. I can hear it in your voice and the way you pause..and no I am not psychic, we all have these abilities to a greater and lesser degree. Also I believe that the more we drop the T-bomb the easier it gets for ppl to...

I talk about some of my trauma cause it has been my way of not feeling shame for any of the things that I was not responsible for. It's a way of expressing, wasn't my fault. We all keep some secrets but if I feel it's ok to mention something I just do cause I can't control or correctly predict...

We inadvertently hurt those we love and/or strangers all the time. For some of us, keeping silent is not an option. I was fortunate to have grown up in nyc in the 70s. Victims of assault and violence could choose between denial, silence, repression or a life of educating yourself. We were...

I too have avoided both sex and romance for two years, I enjoy focusing on hobbies, new and old friendships and feel more energized and more relaxed than I have ever felt in years. When in love, I easily fall into the role of doormat if I am not careful and it has taken me too long to accept...

WIVES ARE THE MOST FREQUENT VICTIMS IN FAMILY MURDERS Imho, getting intimate sexually or not is as rewarding as it is triggering. Again imo, it’s devastating to feel betrayal by someone you trust and it is human to loose control of your emotions. We can’t ignore facts and reality. Perhaps it...

I was sexually abused and raped a few times. I am one of those “moved on people” you refer to..at least from my own perspective. I didn’t suffer PTSD as a result. I never felt defective as a result. Past 60, I lost my sexual drive but not sexual interest. I was perhaps more open to having sexual...