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@SittingDuck, there are volunteer opportunities that I'm definitely interested in. I'm just not in a position to spend time on it right now. My goal is to be ready to volunteer by February of next year. A lot of things will be sorted by then.

YES!!! I grew up in an incredibly diverse area (social scientists say it's the most diverse in the US). I miss the food and the people and the close and hearing the languages. Here, there's actually a business that flies a confederate flag outside. Right next to the Trump/Pence flag. It makes me...

@hodge The problem is that it's a small town, so the chances of running into dumped-friends is high. Better to not build bridges than have to burn them later and suffer the consequences. I'll take my time. I think my issue is not so much about him possibly winning, it's about the constant...

It's not about hiding, it's about sneaking. I experienced extreme violations of privacy as a child and still dislike people reading over my shoulder or looking at my stuff. It's extremely triggering for me. Once, my partner asked me something about an email I was reading, something specific that...

It's absolutely normal to have anxiety or fear about sex, especially after trauma. I had that problem for a long time and would self-medicate just to be able to do it--I do NOT recommend this method. One of the things that helped me get over it is a truly supportive partner who I know won't...

THANK YOU. Seriously, thank you for starting this. It's aweful! And not only are we stuck in that same old experience of knowing someone is abusive and toxic while absolutely no one bothers to believe us when we say so, there's also the issue that everyone reposts and reblogs and livetweets his...

So, I don't think it's healthy for people to go in and read their partner's messages//email, etc, even if the partner gave you access to the account. My partner could easily pick up my phone and go through it, but he doesn't, because privacy matters. Similarly, I have the code to his phone...

Talking to women will have to happen, because you both live in the world. There is nothing wrong with him talking to or interacting with women who aren't you. There IS a problem if he's actively seeking romantic or sexual relationships outside of your relationship, if you have not agreed to an...

I don't think so based on what you've said, but I'm not the one who has been interacting with her. It's good you don't want to be someone's project, but has she given any indicators that that's what you are? Don't make up red flags where there are none. On the other hand, if there are...

That she share's bits of her story is an important indicator of friendship. She's not just listening, not just talking, she's letting you be vulnerable and being vulnerable as well. I think it's pretty common for people who are further along with healing to make themselves available and...

I get this. It felt awful for so long when people would ask about my family, because an honest answer wasn't exactly what they were looking for. I've started just saying, "we don't talk" and leaving it at that. If they press the issue I say "he's not a nice man" and leave them to draw their own...

I cut off my dad several years ago and it was the best decision I've ever made for myself. His whole family thought I was being selfish and basically cut me off as a result, and blame me for that even though it was their decision to do so. I feel absolutely no guilt about it, the man gave me...

You make me laugh a bit, because you sound like me. I read a lot and retain a lot of information, I think about things analytically, and so I "ruin everything" and "why can't we just watch the movie and not ever talk about it"? My ex-husband even accused me of intellectual abuse. It was bullshit...

First, it's important to understand that things can get worse before they get better, especially when *new stuff* comes up in therapy. The important thing is that you are actively working on your best self. Your husband should be understanding of that, even when things are rough, and be patient...

I agree with @EveHarrington, your gf doesn't need to share that shit with you. It's hurtful. And she can choose not to acknowledge or be around your ex any more than she has to for work/school purposes, so why isn't she?

I definitely understand that feelings. I'm not sure I could live with my partner (whom I love dearly), if we didn't have extra bedrooms that I could escape to. Sometimes I need to be in a space that is mine and not ours. I think if this relationship ended, I would not want to live with anyone...

I don't mind it, but it is hard for me to hear my name in a conversation and not cringe. Since my partner usually uses my name, I'm learning not to cringe at it. But I'm often called "my partner/girlfriend/fiance" when he's talking to other people, particularly his students and other people who...

I agree that putting future demands on your partner can be a huge stressor for him, but I would also like to acknowledge that you desire to have that conversation with him is both responsible and thoughtful. I definitely think you should ask him to help you understand his needs so that you can...

You are not alone. I often experience life as a child; sometimes I hear it in my voice, and my partner will ask why I'm talking that way. My sentence structure and cadence turn into something you might hear from a distracted first grader. I'm in this different emotional state, what you describe...

You sound the exact opposite of selfish. Funerals are hard and everyone grieves differently. You don't owe it to anyone to remember him as happy or to smooth over the bad. I'm sorry for your loss.

That's interesting and it's a perspective I hadn't thought of. Being physically small has made it pretty easy for me to "disappear" quietly when things aren't going well. Thank you for sharing!

Loopholes and technicalities are awesome, aren't they? Small can be a thorn in someone's ass, too!

@7Cs , thank you. What you said about a tough exterior resonates with me. I call it my shell. When the man and I have a rough patch I tell him I can feel the shell forming. I've often had to make use of my shell in various jobs, too. It's like a whole different personality, except without the...

I'm a pretty small person. I'm 5'2" with small shoulders, feet, and apparently, small fingers. It's hard sometimes to to take up space, and harder still to accept the vulnerability inherent in being small. I feel like I have to take up space so people won't walk on me. The whole, "dynamite comes...

@Tibbles123 Wowza that's rough for you! I definitely sympathize with your girlfriend, though. Sometimes I will turn off my phone for a few days and detach from all social media sites because I need a break from people. I've always tried to let my mom know before I do that with a text that reads...