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@Echo, I don't know what to believe anymore. It happened in the past before I knew what a flashback was, and I did report to the police and it wasn't until many months later when I was talking with a counsellor that I learned it was only a flashback and nothing actually happened to me. So it was...

@Echo, bad news police can't do anything. The evidence doesn't line up, his alibis checked out. They think I just had a flashback and think that it's my mental illness that made me think my uncle attacked me. They were polite about it but it still is hurtful to have someone say that you...

@NovemberStar, no they weren't all connected. The flashback was very much about being forced to watch child porn and "practice" it, and about having someone there who could save me but didn't. It was a lot about having help arrive but not to save me. Love is a very triggering word for me, to...

@Echo, unfortunately compassion doesn't make me safe, I need action. The toll it's having on me is more than I can bear. That's why I'm so on edge. That's why I'm on this modified suicide watch thing. I don't feel strong in the least. I feel so tired of it all. I'm tired of fighting for safety...

@Echo, how many nails does it take to seal a coffin? Because I'm on my fifth time reporting. It takes a huge toll on a person to go through this so many times and still wake up in the morning. I am fighting for safety because it is the only thing I have, it's the only thing I have to look...

@Echo, I'm not banking on anything with the police at this point. I'm scared to get my hopes up about anything at all. At the same time I need to have hope to not completely lose my mind. I actually don't know what this social worker has experience in. All that she shared with me is that she...

@Echo, not the same police that my T spoke to, but I have already spoken to this detective at the hospital after the attacks and he was phenomenal. I don't have an appointment with my T lined up because she is on vacation in another country for 2 weeks. This new social worker is prepared to...

@Echo, I don't have a set time I check in with the police. The video statement tomorrow is for this specific case of recent assaults. I'm not sure if they will be providing an update of what's going on, but I will be asking for sure tomorrow. It is hard to keep pushing through this all. I've...

@Healing Reins, I can understand secretly wanting someone to report it for you. I've wanted that before, especially when I've been too scared in past cases to do it myself. For example, when I went to the hospital in December for injuries from the assault I was talking to the triage nurse and...

@Healing Reins, I would just like to second what SweetLullaby has said here. It is so incredibly important to be honest if you do decide to report (again it is entirely your choice). I've just been through this in February, and I'm currently going through it again right now (video statement...

At all the churches I've ever been a member of, yes. Just to clarify is she a youth pastor or just a leader who volunteers? What country do you live in, and what denomination is your church (I ask because I can look it up for you and provide a link). I'm just familiar with what to look for...

@Healing Reins, if you are not a minor and the law doesn't require her to report it then she cannot report it is she is a leader of the church. She has the same confidence rules as a therapist does. She can't break that without running the risk of losing her ability to serve in a church.

I saw the new social worker through the NP clinic today. I think I like her, not sure yet, but I feel like I will get on better with her than the social worker I currently see. She wants me to call her tomorrow after I report to the police to check in, and she booked me into see her again on...

@Solara is right. If you aren't actually a minor then your youth leader isn't required to report (again depending on your state laws). The exception to that typically is if a child is in danger, you are at risk of hurting yourself or someone else, or the accused is hurting another minor. That...

@Ryn, mandatory reporter in this case means that she is legally obligated to report this to the police once she knows. @Healing Reins, first off, I'm so very sorry this happened to you. I have been in your position many times, and in some cases very recently (except I'm not underage anymore)...

@Echo, it's been the same flashback for the last few months. I told my T this yesterday and she said it's because my mind is trying to process it. We talked briefly about triggers, well my T talked, I listened. She said that it's common in women to be triggered in the shower, that sometimes it...

@billie, I was 10 minutes late from the beginning of my one hour calling window and the nurse ended up calling me. She was checking on me, seeing how the appointment went yesterday with my T. My T didn't end up keeping my medications when I brought them in (part of the agreement I made with the...

@scout86, I would gladly accept that cyber high 5. @TimeToHeal, it was accept the safety plan or have them drag me to the hospital. I chose the lesser of two evils. I did have a really good session with my T. I meet with the social worker at the NP clinic on Monday, hopefully I get on well...

I had my final therapy session with my T before she goes on vacation tomorrow. I was able to tell her about the details of the flashback I've been having in her office. I took the plunge and just gave her the Coles note version. Then went into more detail when she asked about certain aspects...

@Kas_Can_Fly, so glad you found a combination that makes you feel healthier. As long as you didn't feel over stimulated and like you couldn't control your actions I would fight tooth and nail to get back on the combination if I were in your position. Maybe you could get your family to write a...

@Philippa, it seems likes such a crazy concept to some people that you wouldn't want to date. I "enjoyed" dating my ex for the most part when we were together, but there were many times when I had to suck it up and spend time with him when all I wanted to so was stay inside alone. Dating is a...

@Candleflames, I haven't tried it with my decision regarding having kids because I haven't shared it with anyone other than my T and on here. But I will for sure be asking why they are so interested in my sex life/reproduction if/when they do. When I've used it with other topics, such as dating...

I wasn't able to get an additional appointment with my T this week, but I do have a longer session now. So I will be talking with her about the flashback, the stopping my meds, the extent of my suicidal thoughts (I was borderline last night).

@Candleflames, I tend to be quite sarcastic in person (I tone it down on here because I don't want to hurt someone) so saying something along the lines of that would be in character for me.

Thanks. I would say I'm probably a lot like your friends in the sense that I enjoy my friends kids, but I wouldn't want any of my own. I know I'm young and could still change my mind, but I don't see that happening. @NovemberStar, I know I will face a lot of flak from my family specifically...