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It seems as though in the past several years I get so disgusted with myself for feeling the need to go back over and over some of my past abuses. Some things that weren't even abuse, as such, and certainly not as bad as the majority of it. And I use that statement advisedly because if it's still...

Yes. I'm totally wiped out right now. Should be nesting, getting ready for bed, trying to close my eyes and sleep. Not getting weepy and zombified on internet. Tomorrow is another day. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a magic reset button on insomnia and not-sleeping issues? I bet they would...

you want to know one of the truly crazy-making thoughts that has been chasing in my head the past year? My mother... she insists that she only ever did anything because she loved me. She respects boundaries, she respected my marriage, has never sought to undermine my role as mother to my...

That's exactly how I felt during the first years of therapy. I wanted to know. I was afraid to know. I needed to know. I didn't know if I could bear it. My memory was fried for a lot of years. Lost most of my childhood. I was still losing time at the time I started trying to remember. I didn't...

Being not alone is a hugely enormous help all by itself. I often feel very alone. I don't have a lot of friends and I can't talk to most of them about this. I also have trouble leaving the house a lot of the time.

I told him before last session that I was scared he would poke through a weak spot in my defenses and it would get messy. The week before that I got set off and dissociated into a really bad state of despair. For me, very bad. He said at the end of last week to start thinking about anger and...

Interesting. I use the word messy a lot to describe my intense emotional states. The depression, the suicide thoughts, the fear and anxiety... If I lose control over it, it gets messy. I don't know how to let go and have it not be messy.

I had heard for years that it was a choice that a person had to make, to consciously do or just unconsciously repeat patterns without thinking or realizing it. I "got it" in my head. I didn't really understand it until I was sitting next to her on the floor and overwhelmed with the feelings...

I've been poking around for a thread that already addresses this and I can't. So I'll just come out and ask it myself. (and get feedback on what I really want to know instead of stuff that relates to someone else? there's a thought.) My therapist thinks I'm really very angry. That I should be...

A month or so ago, when I was just really settling in with my current therapist, I was explaining how one of my early shrinks had explained my issues and how they meshed with my physical head trauma. He said, it was as though my personality was an antique silvered glass mirror, and somebody hit...

Here's a question I'm worrying over too, and I think I'll throw it out here before I take it to my therapist, since I know he's almost certainly going to politely not tell me what to do. I did not sign a release to let the pain clinic talk to him. Or vice versa. Oh, I'm sure the reasons I...

I think that maybe this time it's not just the "new" layer of trauma coming back up to the surface. I'm starting with a new t this time around, only been seeing him since the end of last summer. So there's a LOT of old stuff and history to fill him in on. I'm also doing the pain clinic stuff for...

Thank you for the recommendation. I do worry about explaining it to them. Right now it's hard because my daughter is autistic. her communication is still very delayed. She is super sensitive to nonverbal communication and emotional states though. Her little brother has speech delays also. I...

I've tried cbt for a lot of the early stuff and emdr for both childbirths; talk is very effective. And meds. Perhaps because the abuse was all so under wraps? I believe it's all so much. Like, I never seem to get all the way to the end. I was abused from about 2 through 15 by one family member...

I've been dealing with ptsd since... forever, it seems like. In some ways it feels like a family condition. At least two of my grandparents had it. Both my parents had it. I have it... and while all that sucks most suckfully, it really makes me more determined not to pass it down to my kids...