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Mhmm :) I just wish it was easier. I wish it didn’t feel so visceral, and that it didn‘t feel like “I could fix it if…” It feels so close, but so far. *sigh* I don’t know. I suppose it’s just about moving forwards, even though I have to idea how I’ll do it!

Yeah, that's helpful. Okay - that's true. And my immediate response is like "If they've behaved as they have, and I'm actually holding them accountable, then I have to let them go." Because it's been ridiculous. I've put up with so much, and they've been angry or upset with me for things...

Thanks for the reply! Jeez, I just don't know how you do it with those 'three sides' that you mentioned. It's just... you make yourself vulnerable to your partner, and then they're up and down to the point where it can really hurt. Because you're trusting them, but then they just... leave...

I think this rant will be a bit selfish, because I know that CPTSD is harder for my ex than anyone, but I feel that I gave up so much to try to get to know them better (I actually did too - I had to move pretty far and my work took quite a hit, etc). That‘s on me, and I take responsibility...

Just re-reading this again @Ecdysis , because I feel this way today - I wish this stuff was easier to understand (not your post, I mean!!); I get the logic, but emotionally, it's really hard to detach from this kind of relationship... it's strange...

Aye, well - I hope this doesn't sound mean, but outsourcing responsibility to the universe won't help the attractiveness! I think that's true, anyway. When I think of the people I've fallen for... they haven't always been the best looking, or the best in many other areas. But they have taken...

I'm glad you don't feel pushed :) From the inside, this stuff is so hard. From the outside, it's so clear to see the mixture of fact and fiction in your words (I say that to be encouraging, not critical). "My past was this way" "My future probably will be this way" "My place is on the...

Well, I won't debate too much - because I don't want it to feel like I'm trying to push you into something that you don't agree with. I don't agree with what you've written in these posts, but only because it sounds as though you've temporarily lost hope for certain good things, and I feel hope...

I hear you, and I know it's hard :) There are two separate points in this post though. The first is that you found dating hard for two years. The srcond is the conclusion you've drawn that 'life kept reminding me that she was the one'. The first point is absolutely fair and reasonable, and...

Sounds like you have two broad choices - either to persist in something which will only grow increasingly painful as you watch them embrace their opportunities, while you continue to let your own ones slide. Neglect yourself, and as the years go by you can watch yourself become increasingly...

Yeah, that's interesting. I sometimes wonder about the impact of a few things in my own life. I don't think I have ptsd, but I had one or two hard things go on, and I often forget because it becomes my normal. Then I can act in a strange little way sometimes and think "Huh... why did I do...

Weeeeell... I think working at everything for ten years is a badge of honour - it's kind of amazing to have that perseverance 😊 Aye, that's helpful. Their trauma seems really severe to me... I haven't heard anything quite like it before. I'm not sure how that impacts their recovery (I'm not...

That’s a helpful link! Hmmm…do you think there’s enough support to help people to not get to that stage after a traumatic event?

That’s good to hear! Did it take a long time to get to that stage?

Interesting! I don’t think the kind of... ‘official’ info that I’ve seen really represents the reality, y’know…

Yes - I had exactly the same thing with boundaries. And probably i didn‘t think quickly enough about those, because I’m not used to kinda… ‘being ready‘ for that kind of judgement call. I think it’s helped me to become a better partner to someone though, because it’s helped me to think through...

This is a really helpful perspective and beautifully put. I think the online resources for understanding CPTSD are really thin on the ground, because outside of this forum, I can’t find much about this stuff at all - and certainly nothing like you’ve written. Have you seen a general upwards...

Aye, this is really helpful - thanks! I think i’m finally starting to see the situation as it really is. And they have my full love and respect, and we’re still friends. But… I see why it may not have worked out for us in particular - even if they definitely deserve *someone*!

Finally feel like I’ve orientated myself correctly on something! No, it does give some clarity I think. Because I resonate with it, and it’s a ‘real world’ story that doesn’t leave me feeling as though I’m just not trying hard enough, or something. My feelings for this person are strong… and...

Thanks for the reply! Yeah… I think accepting the ‘mental health condition’ side of it is really important for me. When they seem so together, it can be it hard to remember that their CPTSD is still there... It even makes it seem like it actively *isn‘t* there. Then it seems like… why do they...

Interesting - it’s good to hear something from the horse’s mouth. Thank you for your thoughts on it. I admire anyone living with this kind of condition. I know that probably rings hollow, or maybe even sounds patronising, but I mean it. It must be real tough. Hats off to you, and others...

That makes sense - so, it’s a bit like sailing a boat in a sea storm: Expect the bad, but know that it can be good if you have the right partnership, a bit of skill and a bit of luck; and it helps if you don’t mind getting wet now and then/getting a close up of the sea now and then, too! Is...

Would you mind if I ask - are you a supporter or someone with PTSD/CPTSD? Just curious of the context!

That’s a lovely way to approach things - and probably very healthy, I imagine! To be with this person, I’d have to move back to their city (I moved back to my home city after we broke up, because it was just too painful to be there, and I had an easy way to do it). I think I ought to force...

Thanks for the reply folks, really appreciate it. Yeah, that makes sense… I just find it hard to add everything up. There are so many online resources about how people can get better, and about how relationships are one of the things that heal people. And there are people here who seem...