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It certainly is. I don't have active thoughts of wanting to do it anymore. But when I am around someone who is showing the signs they engage in that behavior it is very difficult to not get drawn back into wanting to be part of that again. I can relate to the "pride" you talk about when you 'did...

Have you thought about detaching and setting a boundary that she not talk to you about her relationships?

I would say if you remember it put it into the timeline.

It would be nice to read some of your fanfiction!

Do you have a therapist? It takes time for me to connect to deep emotions. But in the end I was able to with help. And not get overwhelmed or unleash it on others.

It is hard when people dont respect boundaries an then on top of that your spouse sees that as "how people have conversation." It is ok to say no and leave it at that. Respect your boundaries for your own health.

I did some stuff like that for me yesterday. Car cleaning. Yay!

@Mach123 Does your wife have an individual therapist too?

@lostforgottensoul I admire how open and courageous you are in your recovery. It is something to be greatly treasured. I relate to how being sexual with animals can affect a person. I found that it is incredibly shaming, especially because of how the body responds (for my co-abused partners...

@galaxies-far-away Thanks for your reply. Trust is difficult. But I have been able to make friends and that is nice.

I was abused as a child. It is a pretty long story. But it included being raped by a church guy, physical and sexually degrading punishment from my mom, and sexual grooming from a neighbor girl who was older than me to help her and her friends with her and their dogs (please don't judge her she...

I thought some my abuse was "good." So I "enjoyed" it too. I know many women who were very loud and almost euphoric during times they were disociating from abuse. So in my anecdotal experience it is common.