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  1. S

    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    No reason why you have to sit level. But if you wanted to, you could try putting an extra cushion under the side you lean toward, thereby elevating one side of the seat. That helped my dad with scoliosis. As far as anyone could tell, it was the chair that was crooked and not my dad. A thick...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    Realize that "shop" is a four-letter word. Wean yourself from shopping. It is not a sport, but a scam to make you buy things you never heard of at prices higher than their values. If you simply MUST have something, buy it online to avoid local taxes. Or, find online the local store that has...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    If you generally use a plate, bowl, fork, spoon or knife for snacks and meals by yourself, rinse them with hot water as soon as they are empty and put them in the refrigerator to reuse later. Delays spoilage of any food traces you miss, saves water and soap,and also prevents attracting bugs to...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    But successful faking can prevent even more tedious encounters with clueless busy-bodies, gossips, predators, bullies, and evangelists.
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    My husband died today

    I agree with this. What is it about a service dog that will meet your needs better than a faithful, house trained, shelter dog? A shelter dog can be an excellent, protective, loyal alarm system. Plus that, if you choose well, they can be great companions. They can entertain you, listen to...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    How 'bout leaving out some sealed manila envelopes (stuffed with junk mail and marked classified) to hint that you have some secret mission that fills your time. C'mon folks, this is only #103. There's room here for another 898! I have at least that many excuses my self.
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    Horse People, Please Respond

    I do too. In my case learning to ride was especially good for my confidence in other things. I was close to legally blind and had no hopes of getting a driver's license. I already felt that I would always be a dependent on others to drive, or I would be a life-long pedestrian. Learning to...
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    Horse People, Please Respond

    Very often even an old horse, very gentle with kids, will test a new rider's confidence. I used to ride a friend's family's horses at his request to keep them tame enough for his kids. But a couple of times when I took my friends with me to ride also, one horse in particular (usually the...
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    Boundaries, Communication, And My Own Desperation

    Ain't it great to have shown yourself the person you really are? You give a lot of time to hoping and trying to help others achieve what you've done! Now just be grateful for your own help. It's your turn.
  10. S

    Boundaries, Communication, And My Own Desperation

    I'm sorry this is happening to you. If your brother and you are that incompatible in your perspectives and personalities, it does sound grim for resolution. If he were not related to you, but perhaps an aquaintance that you tried to help, how would you be able to react to what you realize now...
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    Horse People, Please Respond

    This is not relevant to horses, but I have always been curious why one of my cousins has always triggered either terror or outrage in monkeys, chimps and gorillas if they even see him at a zoo. It is like they go nuts, screaming in unison, throwing things in their cages and gnashing their...
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    My husband died today

    I found that after my wife died I was accused of that "weakness" several times by people who were either very shallow or were so caught up in the shallowness of other people that they couldn't recognize my state of mind for what it was. What I was seeking was sincerity, both in my self and in...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    Other props for around the house could be hiking boots or running shoes at the foot of your bed, trekking staff in the corner, gym bag, binoculars, and even empty health-food boxes left casually on a counter as if just consumed. A bowl of realistic wax fruit for color, club and charity...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    Keep a pair of shiny dumbbells by your favorite chair for watching TV. Dust them occasionally by rolling them on the carpet. Let people assume you use them in your free time.
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    My husband died today

    @Medic72, It may seem to you that a lot of time has passed already, but it really hasn't. You are still processing your grief. The amazing thing is that you are doing it, and succeeding, whether you can always feel it or not. Thank you for responding to what I wrote. Keep writing with us...
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    My husband died today

    I'm sorry I failed to edit out a fragment at the tail end of this message. It was part of an earlier version.
  17. S

    My husband died today

    Hi @Medic72. I always read your posts, as do the others here. I'm still firmly confident that you are going to be fine and spiral out of the immediate trauma you are suffering. You are an amazing writer and thinker, and your candor is utterly astounding. I'm thinking cautiously right now for...
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    My husband died today

    I don't agree with this at all @Gadgie. I'm probably as alone as anyone, and yeah, its because I lack confidence. I've "made do" without other people, but it is my choice or problem, whichever way you look at it. My being alone is painful sometimes, but I don't blame anyone else for that. It...
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    My husband died today

    And you are an excellent writer at that. And you've referred several times to your art work. Maybe you said at some point, but I missed what kind of art you enjoy. Painting, sketching, sculpting? Have you considered resuming art for your own enjoyment? The reason I ask is that I recently...
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    My husband died today

    Your being pretty hard on yourself today, ma'am. I think the idea of contacting some of those other first responder families is a good idea. How would you feel if some of them contacted you? They may feel as isolated and lonely as you feel, with no more support than your community or area...
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    My husband died today

    I'll venture a couple guesses here. First, to answer your question, yes, I think it is common. However, it may take most people much longer to achieve what you have. And I think it is to your credit. Now let me state your question in another way: "Is it common for a surviving spouse to feel...
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    My husband died today

    It is easier for me to think of grieving as a dark and sometimes roiling cloud of factors. Emotions, memories, impulses, habits and solid facts seem to swirl in and out of focus, at first, seldom lingering for long. What may capture the attention one minute, may disappear into a hidden...
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    My husband died today

    Well ma'am you had some good things happen today, and we're so glad for you. That contact with your husband's partner, and your being able to talk and laugh was great medicine. The plan to meet and talk with a bereavement counselor who's had experience similar to yours is very timely too. I...
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    1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

    Been there as a single dad. Brain-damaged by nail polish fumes from slumber parties, choked by the smoke from scorched popcorn. Deafened by the all-night Karaoke concerts. Skidded and sprained on the spills in the kitchen. Yet smiling kindly as the guests' parents thanked me for allowing them...
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    My husband died today

    Hi @Medic72. I wonder if you have contacted any churches or seniors organizations to ask about grief support groups in your area. Maybe you answered this question before, but where I live, several organizations join to offer support. Even nursing homes might know of free resources. And you...
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