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M @TheMinsterman Before I comment further, may I ask, and please don't feel pressured to answer it, has your SO/ExSO's had abuse in the past?

Hi @Rhondainlove You describe exactly what happened to me too. @Newtoptsd put it very well in her post so I can't really add to that. However, I just want to say you are not alone, this forum in a great place for support, the people here are wonderful. Take care

In times of shut-out, I was glad of my ex's friends as they seemed to support her, however on reflection I do see that one controlling friend in particular is being manipulative of her as she was fearful of losing control since our relationship began. My ex could not see this so intervening in...

Thank-you @TheMinsterman I really appreciate your comments, especially when your mind is going round and round with what ifs and 'did I do the right thing'. Logically I know I did the right thing, in my heart I see see that decent person suffering and trying to navigate life and emotions. As a...

Hi @wannagetoverpast, As a supporter I read this book to shed some light on my partner's CPTSD. It is an amazing and enlightening book. The most surprising and unsuspected outcome from it is that I learned so much about myself, my childhood and why I behave as I do in situations. Its a brilliant...

Thanks for your reply @Friday I think on reflection, the main issue regarding being vetted was my ex finding nothing at my address, therefore assuming I was an imposter rather than suspecting the search may have been incorrect! But the biggie for me was she then didn't allow me to reassure her...

Do you think so? I'm still going through the motions of 'Did I do the right thing?' I feel terrible, almost like I failed...failed her in particular.

I do like this analogy, its a great way of explaining what is going on. Removing yourself when the accusations/arguments start is, for me, the best way of not inflaming the situation. The issue here for me is that the verbal attacks became so frequent, they were becoming impossible to avoid. I...

Oh yes. I had the problem that my ex would not listen to me when I tried to reassure her or prove the truth. She would make the accusation, then blanked me out when I tried show her the truth. I do feel that as @TheMinsterman said it is easier for them to believe you're just a liar, cheat etc...

Yes, agreed. I feel the long term view does not even come into it in such fight or flight situations. Its immediate, its "I need relief from this danger now, this instant". The perceived danger from the partner does go away. The long term cost may be that the partner goes away forever.

Thanks @scout86 We did discuss it on several occasions and each time we appeared to have come to an understanding. ie I would leave if it happened or if it was by text I would not read them. The issue for me was that it became more and more frequent and more and more vicious. I would have been...

I suppose what I wanted to say is that I hoped this was just one of those shutting out tirades which are full of bizarre and untrue statements, rather than a fundamental mistrust of me.

Thank-you @scout86. I appreciate your reply. I think maybe I am too naive and take people at face value. I can say I never researched my ex, I didn't feel the need too. I have been lied to in the past and hurt badly by it, I put it down to experience but tried not to tarnish future relationships...

Thank you for your reply @Fadeaway. In fairness she did text me saying she was concerned about my business and finances. I suggested we spoke about it on the phone so I could reassure her, but she would not speak to me on the phone (a symptom of when she is going into shut out). Then the tirade...

For some reason I can't edit the original post. I wanted to add that over the last couple of months she had been vilifying me more and more. Making me out to be some kind of monster despite my patience and support and allowing her the space she needs.

After 7 months I finished with my partner this week when in a verbal tirade she questioned I had not been honest about my business and finances. She said one of her friends had been making enquiries about me and could not find any details of me at my home address. I also work from home and she...

Thank-you for your support @StormySea I did do everything I could. You're right, that does offer some small amount of comfort. I am still struggling to come to terms with the vilification. I suppose it is something that is normally so far off my radar that I was shocked when it happened...

My heart goes out to you @Seeking you describe very eloquently how I have been feeling too. No doubt this also describes what many others have felt and are feeling. :hug: hugs if you will accept them.

This is an overview of what happened in my 7 month relationship with a CPTSD sufferer. I have written it to try to get some clarity on what happened. To try to logically explain something that seems so illogical. If it helps anyone else, that is a big bonus. Whether it is to clarify your...

What a fascinating thread. I have spent quite some time wondering why I was being villified even though I had been patent and allowed my partner space when needed. I didn't react in the main to the villification. I offered support to what my friends though was above and beyond what I should...

Oh Jensen, we will miss you. I will personally miss your wisdom and help. Take care x

Yes, sometimes everything appears so foggy we miss things. It happens to me a lot but I'm learning too. Give yourself a big up for spotting this! :tup:

Well said @Justmehere :)

Dear @tobunika in my opinion, which could be wrong of course, the best way to support your partner is by giving him some space to sort his internal struggle. He appears to have been very honest and clear in what he needs to sort himself out. He has not blamed you at all in his text so please do...

There's some great stuff on here, very encouraging, informative and supportive. I will keep you informed on how it goes.