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I'm trying to focus on accomplishing things, I made really good progress. I'm frustrated with how difficult it is for me to look at that rather than some horrid failing.

Hugs to anyone and everyone who'd like one- sorry to see so many struggles going on. Yesterday got a bit heavy at 'T-time' so I'm still worn down from that. Also feeling grateful that I've got a few people in my life who understand what it means to have a heavy, hard session of therapy...

Relieved, my mum's already home and recovering from her medical stuff. Otherwise I'm not sure of a word for it- I feel like doing something, but not any of the practical household chore type stuff. I don't want to wash dishes or fold laundry, I want fun and I've got no clue where to find any.

Super stressed and can't do a darn thing about it. My mum is in the hospital, not sure what's going on but she may have surgery by morning. Dad's confused and has made it home to call me with a garbled explanation that mom's appendix needs some kind of scan, but it'll be okay. It'll be okay...

More depressive anxious stuff. More attempts to try different things that might help. No luck yet.

At least being depressed over how poorly I'm coping with the ongoing anxiety is feeling something other than anxious. Disappointed in myself, my 'as-needed' med just increased in dosage and became a "twice daily, every day" medicine.

Still anxious and very eager to discuss that with my p-doc tomorrow. It's been going on for days and I'm making it worse by wanting a reason why. There might not be a reason, and I know that. I still want some cause, a bit of logic, anything.

I'm having anxiety over how much anxiety I'm having. It's slightly easier to manage than the depressive stuff so I'll be grateful for that.

Got enough sleep but I still feel tired, kind of depleted from several days of anxiety. It's a good day to get more practice on the soothing and comforting types of self-care.

You're making a big step in the right direction and that can be scary. I just completed a similar program myself, so I remember how nervous I was walking in the first time. It'll be okay, once you're inside it's a 'safe space' to work on your troubles with support and other people who can...

I'm trying hard to be nicer to myself. Took both my pain meds and the anxiety one today, so I've opted out of driving a car- it's not safe. Glad I made that choice. I'm not feeling ill from worry and it doesn't hurt to exist.

More anxiety, slightly different kind than yesterday. It's not pretending to be heartburn, this is some kind of hollow tightness anxiety nervous thing.

I'm doing the denial thing and trying to treat emotional stuff with antacids again. Whatever emotion it was, I didn't manage to recognize it before my stomach decided to swallow it. Antacids don't help with that.

I'll be okay, but right now I'm a mess. Sometimes the truth hurts and this is one of those times.

I'm cold and confused.

I'm not sure about inpatient treatment, but I'm in a partial hospitalization program that's been incredibly helpful. It's designed to last about two or three weeks, long enough to stabilize in a crisis but not an ongoing thing. It's a much better option for me than being admitted to the psych...

I'm exhausted from trying to bring that emotion stuff to the surface. Overwhelmed by seeing how much I've shoved into that repressed place, and sad because I understand why it's there. I'm closer than I've ever been to where I'd like to be. Trying to fight off disappointment at how much work...

I'm feeling like I'm missing a piece of me. Is incomplete a feeling? There's an emptiness and I can't remember what goes there.

I'm tired, but pretty relieved. All the weirdness over the last few days was probably from a bit more serotonin than I need. Med decrease to undo a recent increase, crashing hard from not taking it with lunch. Exhausted, floppy.

I'm pretty confused. I screamed, laughed, cried and smiled all at the same time. Did not know that was possible. In less than 24 hours I'll be able to ask a couple of psych nurses and my new P-doc about it. Trying hard to stay distracted. Very confused and scared. I really hope that's not...

It was probably not a good idea to expand on how re-enacting the 'goodbye horses' scene from Silence of the Lambs is great for your self esteem during group therapy... oops? Sorry about that.

Oh my, seems I forgot that the rebound anger that ends a depressive thing is proportional to the depths of that depression. Not sure what to call it, but I got out the stompy boots this morning. I've been very open about the fact that I've taken a couple breaks today to sit in my car shouting...

I asked several professionals today, I am not having a bizarre adverse reaction and this is not mania. This is what not-depressed feels like. Well, less depressed, and I'm very confused and disoriented by that.

I'm thankful to be exhausted worn-out from dealing with snow. It's keeping me from picking my brain apart. Do I know the difference between a mania type bad reaction to medication or if this might be what not-depressed feels like? Also thankful that tomorrow I'll be able to ask some people...

I think I might be bored. There's nothing but snow, some football game, more snow and then some snow. None of that sounds the slightest bit interesting, and I'm pretty sure it'll cancel my plans for tomorrow. Trying to find something else-anything at all- to focus on. I'll keep trying. For...