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I cried a lot tonight. Had a triggering night hearing other peoples stories of sexual abuse.

I suppose it could feel as though she doesn't care especially if you feel vulnerable due to your emdr and suicidal thoughts. I think she does care but ethically she should only do so much and probably shouldn't have even started checking on you during sessions because I imagine its hard not...

hugs back thank you

makes sense to me and I haven't over medicated or took anything that's not my own script in over two months so now I really have to try all over.

thank you so much for being helpful. I feel like I'm so good with my panic attacks with my grounding but for some reason I just couldn't couldn't deal. Thanks it's good to hear I can do this when for some reason I can't hear myself.

yesterday i had a panic attack, I broke down and over medicated. Feeling so tired today from it, and I feel like I want to sleep for days now cuz I'm also upset about it. I took three atavans that I had stashed away that i dont even have a script for anymore and a double dose of clonapin. Plus...

:hug:thanks

It was never my fault I only needed to feel loved I did everything you wanted me to do I need to hate you now, not me I've been hurt enough I can not forgive you for this I have to bury this burden I am angry with you now And finally not myself just some thoughts tonight as I sit here trying...

yes been there for sure. Maybe just chat with others about anyone to get mind off of it. Or book on tape. Something comfy and warmth helps me with comfort. Eye contact with someone you trust maybe over skype just to talk about anything other than this. It's normal when new things come up. It's...

I may have a ways to go too, good luck to both of us. As far as scripts go, I'm on my share and need them.

well I will say its been worth it Kayle, I have been changing negative behavior into positive over time so I know it's working. I don't self medicate anymore. That's a huge thing for me, been doing it for over 20 years. There more I have changed and it helps that I don't have to remember my...

I am truly sorry. Big hugs if that's ok!!!

thank you Poofycat I have recognized some things this week after my black out that are pre cursers I call them to disassociating. So far so good. I don't feel as scared today. I did work today so that could have helped keeping my mind occupied. My life feels different now. I strive to live in...

well I feel it too. I can hardly stop thinking about it even doing things I enjoy. Right now I am literally forcing myself to be present, to engage in conversation and know what the other person is talking about, to walk my dogs or just go for a walk in public listening to something that...

oh good lord I just realized that means I have disassociated the last three days now. I'm guessing what came up in emdr three days ago is gonna be rough.

i haven't enjoyed any of it and I disassociated last night and this morning but luckily before I was full blown not present I was able i see the symptoms that I get in the beginning and I work very hard at grounding myself so that I don't go. I just can't go. Thanks for sharing.

my last disassociation really scared me. I have physical pain unrelated that I'm embracing. I want to feel that pain instead of taking something right away to numb it. I hope that I can learn how to embrace my emotional pain the same. Somehow I'm hoping this might keep me from disassociating...

snaps me out.

thank you. I wrote and drew on my arm, my entire arm, only things that help me to feel safe. Hopefully tonight will be different.

the hardest part for me right now is to not hurt my body someway somehow thinking that would be easier.

thank you, I'm so depressed like everything just took a turn for the worst again but I'm trying real hard to stay present

im trying a plan out now by walking my neighborhood, listening to music,feeling grass under my feet, and the wind in my face.

I am depressed. I disassociated. I feel like crying. When will it ever get better. It's scary moving on but more scarier to not move on. I feel so upset that I just...poof gone...and no one knew. I was absent from my own mind. What was so bad that I couldn't deal. What was I reliving. I hate...

thank you Simon, my therapist says dissociation for sure and to not be alone she said in case it happens again. I'm not alone.also she reminded me that I could've been still in the aftermath for lack of better words of my emdr session with her the day before. We released some new memories that I...

I wonder where I went last night that I felt I needed protection as far as if I disassociated