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Edit for new stuff since I posted this... T- You are my dad's best friend! You were like a dad to me! I have known you since I was like 9 years old... I should have seen the red flags... I did I guess. I just ignored them... When you would get all touchy I would just pretend I didn't notice or...

Hi the Lucy! What I meant by "the spectrum" I should have said the "dissociative disorder spectrum". Depersonalization on one end and DID on the other. I know DID is not the same. I guess there is something called DDNOS... But I doubt that's it either... Don't want to believe it. Oh well. Thank...

Below is something I wrote... It is me speaking to my T, whom I will be calling "R". So, R I came yesterday... You told me you read through my "trauma pages". I told you about the blackouts... I also told pdoc. Pdoc said it could be dissociation related to the PTSD or it could be a on the...

I am very sorry for all that has happened to bring you to a place such as this... but I pray that you will find this place as kind and supportive as I have. There is no judgement here. We're all equals. Every one of us here are survivors in one way or another. We need to respect that and treat...

I agree with what others have said. If you feel like you belong, then by all means take part in this site. There's no judgement. We are all survivors in one way or another and all deserve support and equal treatment in our healing journeys. I for one think that when a child is exposed to...

Thanks for the input Lucy. It means a lot. Your advice is always so thoughtful and helpful. Thank you. It could be dissociation I guess. Not sure. I'll get some answers soon I hope. Will let tou know how it goes. It's affecting my job (I'm a nurse). It's get to the point where I can hardly...

Gonna HAVE to talk yo T about this when I next see her in a few days. Lately I have been having these blackouts... I am not sure if it is really a blackout though.. It's like time loses all meaning and I just become not aware as much of what I am doing or what I have done... The blackouts are...

Hi there Cherry! :) I just felt like that... I don't know why. Sorry... But thank you for the support and validation. It means a lot. I support you as well! :)

I see my T tomorrow... very scared. I feel little and small inside and very frightened... I will take these questions you've posted here into consideration when I feel these strong compulsions. They are very good to ask and think and it means a lot to me. I will talk to my T tomorrow. Blessings...

It gets very confusing. It feels like I can't break free from these responses that seem almost automatic... Like, these reactions. When someone says something to me (dad, mom, anyone really) I will react with a certain reaction(s) or thought or feeling.... It all depends on the situation and how...

I know people get aggravated when I add to this... but I just have been struggling all day yesterday (Halloween) and also now... I fight with myself inside my brain... Like I go back and forth on what to think, do, believe... I can never figure anything out. I can't come to conclusions. I have...

How saddening...

This is heartbreaking... I hope her family is supporting her through this. Sending her my prayers.

I completely understand! Haha. I KNOW it's a lot. I apologize. I just wanted it out of here *points to head* :P Your support means a lot. I support you 100%!!! <3

Oh, ok I'm sorry... I know I'm being a Debby Downer... Therapy is alright. Have a netter T now. Actually just got out of T... I see her once a week. She's a psychologist actually. I am doing neuro-feedback and also talk therapy. I just started this so I am not sure about the changes just yet...

T was somewhat difficult... I was very dissociative. I floated away in a sense. I got really heavy like I was melting into the couch yet at the same time I felt weightless. I was inside my head seeing everything that was happening but it was like I wasn't really there completely. I was...

I have a bit more to add... Thanks for listening and caring. I will try to get this all covered with new T eventually. :rolleyes: My mom was super pissed. My mom told me that she wanted me to report it and she told my dad that we (she and I) were going to report it. This is what I wrote a...

Well, I guess I should have worded it better... I just started going to a different T. After seeing my last one for 2 years, I had to start seeing a new one for insurance reasons... I find it hard to share this all with her just yet. :no: I will in time. It took me a good many months to even...

I shared some of this (the parts that had to do with my dad) with my mom and she kind of got mad at me. I think she holds resentment towards me for the way I felt and acted towards her when I was a child. It's odd that she isn't trying to understand now that she knows (some) of the truth of what...

*This is going to be rambly. My head is all over and I can't think too well.* So, to start off, as a child there was a lot of emotional/covert incest and possibly non-touching sexual abuse by my father. Well, maybe some touching 'down there' in that 'area'. He also pretended to pinch my (maybe...

So, just saying, this is going to be long. I have written this in my online journal thing but just need to get it out here so I am pasting it here in chunks for easier reading... I just need some input and support. I apologize for the length. I have survived ritualized abuse (not to be...

Hmmm. Yes, I never thought of it that way. Thanks for the idea of that. I suppose it can go both ways yes. Thanks! :)

Thank you! Yes. I made something similar to this but also different. Same concept but different words and layout. I am not sure if you have heard of card board testimonies or not but if not here is a link to what it is. There are many others though. I just picked one. Here is my new one...

Hi there. I am sorry that you belong here, but since you are, I am glad that you found a helpful site such as this one. The first step in healing is acknowledging and reaching out, which you've done. It's very hard to do but you've started and that's all that matters. I support you in...

I am sorry for posting this you guys. I am just really struggling with it... Sorry... I just can't believe this. This couldn't have happened. I must be exaggerating...??? But I know that I am not... I wish I were. I just can't get over how I obeyed him! I listened and reacted how he wanted...