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Hi..i too shower and bathe with lights off. I cant handle them on. Makes me feel exposed even if im alone..there is a window so a little light comes in. If its dark out side i will just light a candle... I wasnt like that before my ptsd

I have that and im very small like 5 years old and someone is on top of me smothering me, like killing me and i just keep screaming no no no...(but im screaming like whispering) heart is beating out of my chest and i cant move. Every time its the same one..flashback. pete walkers website and...

I do remember lots of childhood but there are gaps like i remember before and after but the middle of a memory is gone and theres sometimes a faint thing i remember..and now those things are emerging. Its just all still hard to wrap my brain around

Thanks so much..so much new stuff to learn

That sounds good too. But there is an anger or unfairness that happens along with it too. Thats why i thought jealous. I don't know how to fix it yet, but i know its not right. And i dont want it..

I just recently had a really weird experience where it was like i came out of a fog and everything looked and felt different. Kind of scary and strange. I felt so sad, like wow this is my life?im really here?just so weird and aware. Now rewind to one day when i was 5 years old. I was sitting at...

I just remember at 5 looking down at my arm while i was eating cereal at the kitchen table. I saw my arm, moved it and either thought or said "im real" its happened before but not quiet like that. My abuse started before 5 and lasted...i couldn't tell you... Anyone have this happen?

Its important to have someone that understands. A lot of people dont get it. I suffer and feel like i can barely share with even my partner. Im up all night too. Its so hard. However i wouldnt lose a good friend over it, if it could be helped. This coming from a person with no friends at all...

I suffer fron ptsd and have the hardest time commiting to plans. Even when im feeling well...i get scared by the time the event comes along it might be a horrible day..for that i like to do things spontaneously with the family..as in on the day of that im feeling ok if partner says lets do...

I wonder this question too..so many times i felt like it was so bad i needed to go but didnt because my kids and just being scared so bad...

Thank you And im sorry for your loss

I think its called complex ptsd from surviving to thriving.

One time, i dont know how or why, we did a goodbye hug (T and myself)..then after that i felt obligated to the hug and it was stressful so i just did it..and if i almost forgot or didnt want to i still did it...im never doing that again. It was awkward

Im not sure but i think i have been stuck in them too. Pete Walkers 2 books helped understand a little more..the tao of fully feeling and his new one..right now i cant remember the title, but its great and hes got great info on his website too. Wishing you the best

I pay out of pocket but fingers crossed insurance will cover..

I leave out of it..feeling like a weirdo...probably dissociated

No im not really a fan of GA, but i haved watched it and i enjoyed it. Its just not a show i keep up with...i was thinking R.E.M i think..isnt that a song of theirs? Im not sure..hopefully not mixed up with b52s...oh well, i like them both..but yeah i dont really understand why i feel how i...

That is real beautiful and i should hang that up in my home as well..thank you Im so glad you included the whole thing :)

My reply was to the first comment fridayjones..thanks so much for the second one. I find myself comparing a lot and falling short daily. Its something i learned from childhood, mom would say why cant you be like so and so..and so i think i just got into the habbit..i think i also learned by...

Ive heard that before..but only if i can make my outsides look like theirs...at least fake it till i make it..im just not there yet..just feel so different and defective.. I guess i just have lots of work to do...

Thanks i enjoyed reading and listening to that :)

That feels better.. I don't want to take anything away, and im glad people are happy... But yeah i guess it all just somehow reminds me of how everything sucks right now So covet? Great, now im breaking commandments..haha Its not objects that i covet..its happiness. Being carefreee, confidence...

Scout 86..ok so in some ways i may be a better mom now. But i miss how free i felt, taking my kids everywhere, playing with them, celebrating with them, involved at the school..being a room parent for goodness sakes! I even had my own buisness..as far as fast forward to my new little ones..the...