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  1. M

    Fear Of Failure Holds Me Back

    Yes, I think you will find that many people would be able to relate to this. It is hard for a lot of us to put ourselves out there, so to speak, when we are stuck in PTSD, which is laden with fear.
  2. M

    How Did I Make It Through This?

    Yes. I think I often (VERY often) have a tendency to see all of the stuff I have left to do - or to hide in fear/doubt/or denial - but my gosh, I kicked ass in 2016.
  3. M

    Normal To Experience This In Therapy?

    Thank you, this was incredibly encouraging for me. I will definitely talk to him about these feelings I'm having, just so I don't let them takeover, but I know he will respond a you all have.
  4. M

    Normal To Experience This In Therapy?

    I've gotten to place where I can really dive into my trauma, which is both good and horrible. I have found that talking about it and allowing myself to feel the intense emotions, I will often get triggered and start having flashbacks/body memories - which require my T to work to ground me and...
  5. M

    Emdr And/or Neurofeedback?

    I'm going through EMDR therapy now. I will say it's really intense. I do think it's working, but for me it's taking a really long time. I have a long history of abuse/trauma - so EMDR is less straight forward than it is with a single event trauma
  6. M

    Struggling With The Normalcy Of Being Triggered/flashbacks

    @Abstract thank you for your reply. I'm pretty harsh in almost everything. My ptsd is from abuse, so I would say it's definitely me internalizing that trauma.
  7. M

    Struggling With The Normalcy Of Being Triggered/flashbacks

    Hi everyone - I will preface this by saying that I realize that I am WAY too judgmental and harsh on myself, so I realize that my emotions/beliefs probably do not correspond with reality. I really struggle with accepting that being triggered and having flashbacks is okay/normal. I have a...
  8. M

    Nausea

    I experience a lot of anxious nauseousness. For me it is when I am triggered, then I get anxious - and then get anxious about being triggered/anxious.... I do also experience it prior to therapy, even though I love my T and have been with him for almost 2 years - I still experience anxiety...
  9. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    It was not a miscommunication - he spoke truthfully, but also admitted that it was very insensitive and did not handle it well. Overall, he is still trying to grasp what all of this is, what this means for me, for us, etc. But he is trying and willing to work at it with me.
  10. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    Thank you for continuing to validate my emotions in this. We meet with my therapist yesterday so I could tell my husband how he hurt me in a place where I felt safe and supported. It was a very productive conversation and he was very open/willing to learn how to talk about these things with me...
  11. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    Honestly - I think this is a little harsh. I mean - yes, he has made mistakes....but to say he won't change kind of goes against everything that we are all working towards, doesn't it?
  12. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    Thank you all again, so much. I feel so much more validated in my feelings, but then at the same time feeling more attacked and vulnerable because of what happened. I have a session with my T tomorrow right away in the morning, so I am grateful for that. I also asked for a session for my husband...
  13. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    Thank you all for your kind words. My husband did follow up with his comments to say that a five year old can't be held accountable for things that they do... Again, making me feel like he did see fault or error in what I did, but then also that it wasn't my fault... It was confusing and very...
  14. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    Yes, I am sorry Laycee, I know I am being vague, I sorry it is just hard to type these things. It was sexual abuse in my childhood. I was about 5.
  15. M

    Husband Causing Doubt...

    I need some support here...I don't know where else to go... Last Friday I took a huge leap with my therapist and disclosed some things about the CSA I experienced - the details about why I continue to feel at fault for what happened - I can't even type it out... My T was very supportive, he...
  16. M

    Therapist Out For A Week - Frustrated That I Am Taking It So Hard...

    My therapist sent a note this morning that he and his wife just had their new baby (I knew this was coming, although obviously exact timing was up in the air). I am very excited for him, and logically know that I will be fine, and in all honesty, this is a great time to take a week break - as...
  17. M

    Good Struggle?

    Hi there. I can totally relate to what you have shared. For me, I had experienced this very intense, needing to manage stability and safety issues for so long - where it was very obvious to everyone that I was struggling. Right now, I am still struggling, but it looks a lot different. Where...
  18. M

    Who's Working Full Time And Who Is Unable To Concentrate For That Long?

    I can certainly relate to this. I work full-time. I put on my happy/smart/successful face for 40+ hours a week and it is EXHAUSTING. When things get really crazy and I am feeling my big performance pressure - I feel like I get paralyzed. Even though there is so much going on and so much to do -...
  19. M

    Feeling Disconnected From Past...

    Hi. I just wanted to see if anyone else can relate to this - and help me understand what this is. I have always been in a bit denial about my abusive and traumatic past, but usually the denial took the form of believing it was my fault, or minimizing what happened. Obviously, I did that to...
  20. M

    Sexual Assault Triggered After The Fact... Does This Make Sense At All?

    I only say that because I have had some serious issues with intamicy for the past 6 months or so. Where there is a lot of need for him to ground me out check in with me during sex. And on many occasions, I end up in tears after. You are 100% correct that I cannot expect him to read my mind. I...
  21. M

    Sexual Assault Triggered After The Fact... Does This Make Sense At All?

    Thank you all so much for your replies. No, I do not think this was assault. I don't feel attacked by him. I just feel triggered by the experience. I don't think it was wise on his part, considering he knows about my past abuse, but I know that his intention would never be to trigger me or...
  22. M

    Sexual Assault Triggered After The Fact... Does This Make Sense At All?

    I'm confused by this statement... Sorry maybe I'm just not thinking clearly....
  23. M

    Sexual Assault Triggered After The Fact... Does This Make Sense At All?

    Hi. It has been a really long time since I posted here.... So. Last night, while I was asleep, a couple of times my husband started sexually touching me. From what I remember, I was enjoying it, but I was half asleep. He is my husband, I know him and love him, and I know that his intention was...
  24. M

    Dissociation?

    I had a really weird experience the other night. My husband had gone out with a couple of guys to watch the hockey game, so I was alone with my girls, who were asleep. Generally speaking, I really like the alone time. I am always so busy at work – that I enjoy the time to just kind of re-boot...
  25. M

    Feeling Suicidal; Cant Tell Anyone;have To Llive

    @trying2movefwd I am so sorry you are in a painful spot. I know I can relate. I have children as well - and they are often the reason I don't act on suicidal or self-harm thoughts. You are strong and you are brave. You are worthy.
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