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Are you talking about me? Even if you weren't....that is SO me. I don't know that I worry about them knowing enough. I just know from past experience that I can be difficult. The lack of social knowledge, at least in some areas, can make it hard. A couple therapists I think just actually quit...

They own the words I used to express it... They don't own my life anymore than what they went through it with me. Do they own yours? I don't actually have any issue with you at all, just stimulating a healthy debate. Believe me, I would redo it different. You are included in the group of...

I don't know if it was courage, so much as I was two seconds away from "falling in a heap" and was desperate. More so because of those who have reached out to me, and I didn't want them to feel betrayed. I was shaking, my heart rate was through the rough, I was balling. I was one step away from...

For everyone else who automatically did hate me, and maybe still does. I can see your posts too. I'm not about to hate you for what you said. In fact I would still talk to every one of you, but please don't do this to anyone else, because it hurts really bad.

Since this is the post where most of you have reached out to me through...If you have seen the "latest" news report...I have been blamed for stealing my story because I posted it under a fake name, on a different website a year ago. I have cleared this up with the admins and have officially been...

Thanks abstract, but I need to go to bed and not sleep before I say something to actually get me banned...thank you for being the only one who didn't jump to conclusions right away. I can see your post above before I was unbanned.

I am being truthful. See how my account has been unbanned. Thanks for understanding that hurt. You can visit authors den now if you'd like...I wrote all over it that its me.

Thank you for unbanning me, but I'm sorry that was severely hurtful. I don't know what I'm going to do now...but to go 10 years and tell maybe 3 people and then go online at tell hundreds only to tell them "you're lying" ...I don't even know.

Alright another question.... Whenever I search trauma therapists a bunch of licensed family and marriage therapists (LMFT) come up, and they all say "Trauma" in their list of areas they deal with. I have others that say PTSD and Trauma. Which am I looking for. The LMFT seems WAY more prevalent.

So I've had counselors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists...but none of them I was allowed to choose. It was all mandated. They were all terrible, and I have yet to go back to anyone. I'm so worried about another bad experience and more rejection. However, I feel I need this now. Things...

I've had several lyme's tests they come back negative. I am in a VERY high prevalence area. Unfortunately the "common" test they use sucks. I cannot find a doctor who is willing to run a better test through a different lab. There are different strains of lyme, and I could have a different strain...

Thank you so much everyone! I've already found this forum to be very helpful.

https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-secrets-finally-coming-out.39588/ Here's a link for it...if I did it correctly. I don't mind at all. Its really hard, but definitely helping.

I actually started one last night. Writing is definitely "my" form of communication. I'm way better at it than speaking. When I talk I get all balled up and can't get the words out that I want to say. When I type, if I can't think of it, I have time to think. Nobody knows it took me 20 minutes...

Well you've done good work, because you make it sound easy anyways! Sounds like me. I've never been told Complex PTSD, probably because I've never gone to anyone who would know. My dad, for lack of a better name for him, was abusive, all forms, physical, sexual, etc. since I can remember. I ran...

Thank you so much bedbug, I thought I was the only one. Yes, mine started as a way for me to communicate it to him better as well, and I think a way for him to be sure I wasn't completely falling apart. I'm from the northern part of the US. VERY rural. There is not much for organizations...

Thanks scout- I've been trying the internet all morning. Do you know of a website for "online" counselling that is good? Or just to search for them in a certain area? I have found trauma counselors in my state, if I want to drive 100 miles. Is it best to search for psychologists or counselors...

I did this too. I should have said flight was all that was possible out of those two choices. Dissociate I did. Flight was maybe possible, but only to the extent that a child can run and hide from their parent.

I tell me fiance' those things when I hate myself. I hate myself quite often, but when it gets to a certain level, I hate myself so much that I don't even feel I'm worthy for him. I feel he'd be much better off without me. Whatever it was you argued about, I'm sure he feels terrible for it...

Lucycat - thanks for the input. You make it sound so easy to just know. It isn't as easy for me. You're right that it did not solve the problem, but it did make me feel better about it, so it wasn't completely pointless. The boundary that you are aware of, is not something that I am aware of. I...

I hate this disease. I know that's not going to get me past it, but I'm just at that point. I just hate it and want it to go away. I hate there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and because of my abusers now I'm stuck with it forever. No matter how far I get away from them, I still...

I'm just starting to open up about it, so maybe that will help. He was the first person I really opened up to about it, although a couple people knew vaguely what had happened. Hopefully this will go away. I know what you mean about the hypochondria, but I don't really start to think I have an...

I don't know if I can help, I have PTSD and me and my fiance' go through this kind of thing a lot. Number one, when I need space, I NEED it. Not because I'm upset with him, but because dealing with him and me at the same time is just too much. My fight or flight response is heavily weighted...

I want to know how typical this is, if at all. Recently I have had a lot of physical illnesses, this is how the PTSD that I've known I had for years actually came out and was diagnosed. My family doctor diagnosed it, and it came out through a time frame that I literally had at least one...

I was young when my dad would abuse me too. Yes, flight is exactly all that is possible at that age, and for many years after. I'm still always in flight. When he shows up again, I still don't fight back. I don't know how common that is, but I'm mostly in flight and never in fight as well.