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So what are they? If abusers who aren't narcs or paths are only a single-digit percentage of the population, they're obviously not normal. Is there a cover-all "abusive personality disorder?" Do they maybe have an as-yet undefined disorder that makes them abusive?

How do you figure that? Robert Hare. All of the ones in prison were free and at large until they got caught. The vast majority of the ones there now will be released at some point. Just because they're not serial killers or name-brand "criminals" doesn't mean they can't ruin your life. Trust me...

@blackemerald1, what is mhd? I believe diagnosable narcs and paths are statistically rare -- but not as rare as we'd like them to be. Right now, the conservative estimate is that one percent of the population are psychopaths -- so one out of 100 people. Um, how many Facebook friends do you have?

The difference is that they're effed up because they're effed up; we're effed up because they effed us up. Does that help? LOL There is a vast difference between an innocent PTSD sufferer and a psychopath or narcissist who gave them PTSD in the first place. The latter is not only incurable but...

Very interesting post, @Whirlwind. Pretty much everything you said rings true to me. However, I just want to point this out. I don't think the word "disturbed" fits here. That sort of implies the type of mental illness where someone is actually out of touch objective reality. Psychopaths are...

It definitely did pervade her life. I think that may be why she wanted to isolate and cut herself and us off. Something about keeping potential thunder-stealers out of her environment. What I mean is they can go into public and fake normalcy if they have to, at least for a period of time. And...

Right. The purpose is to isolate them so they can abuse them -- physically, sexually, whatever. It seems in this case, the isolation was an end in itself. She didn't hit us or touch us inappropriately. I'm trying to figure out what the hell she was getting out of keeping us in the house with no...

I'm fairly certain my mother had full blown narcissistic personality disorder with a highly unusual, very sick, sadistic streak. This is what I'm trying to understand more about. Trust me, this person wasn't a run-of-the-mill asshole.

But who would choose to do it? You don't think there's a difference between normal people and cruel, selfish assholes? I'm not talking about something like schizophrenia. Cluster B people like psychopaths and narcissists pass for normal every day. They can choose not to abuse people when they...

I'm not sure I agree with you. Normal people abuse children? Seriously? Also, it's not just about "neat labels." Those labels have definitions that can fill in missing pieces. Understanding someone's pathology could lead to more clarity about what occurred, what they did to you and why...

Did anyone's parents practice any covert, oblique types of abuse on them? I'm realizing that it wasn't an accident that I didn't have a social life when I was a kid. My mother was actually making choices to deliberately keep me from having any friends or getting out of the house. Does anyone...

Just want to reach out to the people who've learned the hard way that the legal system is a joke. I'm feeling your pain. Shitty state employees and legislators are paid to slap together stupid, inadequate policies. Crazy, sick, evil people get through the holes and ruin lives. Then you have no...

I'm sorry. That is awful. We have our share of sympathizers and bogus do-gooders here in the US. They want to think it is all a misunderstanding. *shaking my head* I hope that we will soon bring some sanity to this issue here and elsewhere in the world.

Wow, @LanaD, that is grim. :( Are you in the USA? We really need to push to have these things changed.

I just have shitty, inadequate government/state agency policies on my mind right now. Why does there seem to be so many poorly thought-out/executed policies in these domains? Who are these people? Can anyone get a job in state departments like education, school districts, child care, child...

Does anyone have any tips on effectively compartmentalizing? I'm not even talking about PTSD memories. I mean just external things happening around us? I'm having trouble concentrating at work, feeling scared and panicked, like something bad is going to happen any moment. Like, I just want to be...

It is mostly financial -- but then, I don't see that as necessarily separate from justice. I want to see their policies change, for sure. How exactly could a journalist help? I certainly don't want to be in the news?

I suppose we do have private agencies. I am trying to sue a state agency.

@shimmerz, FYI, it is not actually the CAS/CCAS I want to sue. But there certainly were child protection issues involved.

@Sideways, I think you may be confused ... that is not my quote.

Um, could you elaborate on this? What sense does it make? It allows people to get away with lousy, unprofessional, harmful behaviors because of the calendar date? What good does that do anyone? The kids were so effed up and underdeveloped from the neglect and deprivation, they couldn't have...

It isn't just what happened then -- it's how it has impacted all areas of our lives as adults. This is why I feel like the statute of limitations is so silly in this case. Considering the impact to our lives in the present, it might as well have happened yesterday.

@Teamwork, So you attempted to seek damages from that individual? Not the state agency that allowed him to foster?

No one I've spoken with has mentioned this distinction to me. Are you sure it matters? Do you know where I would find a "civil" lawyer as opposed to one of these guys huffing and puffing to me about the statute?

@Teamwork, thanks for your reply. Can you tell me who you actually sued? I mean, I suppose in the case of the foster parent, you could sue social services, or whatever entity gave him the right to foster. Is that correct? But in the case of abusive biological parents, who do you sue for those...