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Well, I'm making my run for the border tonight, by bus. I've certainly had a day. I got to the bus station 8 hours early, having not a penny to spend and nowhere else to go. I was almost immediately set upon by a beggar who doubtless figured - wrongly - that those in my profession are...

Been sitting up tonight chatting with another guy, a Canadian. It's funny. So many of us here, from all over. Not all from the backgrounds you'd expect. I don't really feel much like chatting, though. Tomorrow I finally start my long trek home to a life that never felt all that welcoming...

My daughter gave me the news that she's a DM now, running her own game of DnD with 8 players signed up. I hope it goes well for her. I'm so proud. Also, I'm lying here in an inn with not a penny to my name but a sword for hire and 'have tragic backstory - will travel', laughing my arse off...

Let's see if vodka works... I'm utterly skint, but that doesn't matter here; some old guy notice the uniform trousers and boots and decided we should drink. He put away half a bottle in one go. It is expected here that you neck the lot, but we are the country that invented spirits that taste...

Writing is good. Writing is fun. Finding an agent is a nightmare, but writing is fun.

Not biowespons, but some really nasty bacterial infection born on the front, in all those grotty, damp dugouts full of guys or the dusty, freezing, vermin-infested ruins that passed for safehouses. Probably a turbo-charged version of the same thing I seem to get every winter. Amoxicillin is...

I think I'm just too ill to be rational. I met a couple of Americans- one a real, live tourist and one a long-termer- and we chatted for a couple of hours, then decided to go for a walk... and I collapsed. They basically put me to bed, which is where I am now. I have a raging fever and...

I understand. But there is no chance that it will ever not be like this. So what choice do I have? Carrying on would be literally insane. I went to so much effort to get out alive and get home to see them. All for nothing, because of one evil, spiteful woman. If there is any justice in the...

There is no hope. I'd be mad to think there was at this point. It's been proven again and again that nothing gets better. I've spent my whole life rescuing other people but nobody has ever come through for me. They never will. My problems are not in my head; they are real, external...

They don't have that choice. The legal system is against me because I'm male. Neither I nor the children will be protected by it.

They won't even know one way or the other. Nobody actually cares, except in the sort of abstract 'death is bad, mmkay?' kind of way. Nobody has ever actually come and helped me with anything. I've had plenty of 'oh, yeah, go you!' but that's as far as it ever went. It's only ever really been...

I really don't, though. Never did. I want to see them before I go, though. I don't care about being useful or anything like that. The universe hates me and I just want out. I need to get out.

The ex is refusing to let the kids come .and see me. She has no legal rights, so I have informed the court, the police and social work. I came so close to ending it all tonight. I haven't had some sort of epiphany or something; I still want to. I just chicken out for the same reason every time...

I'm out getting some fresh air. There's a woman in her, maybe, mid-40s, carrying some nice shopping bags and dressed for a night out. She's obviously crying and is dabbing at tears with a tissue. I hate seeing people that upset. I want to go and see if I can help, but my grasp of the language...

I'm just tired. And cold. And broke. I spent my last big chunk of money on my favourite pizza in a bar I used to haunt when I first arrived here. My smile waitress wasn't there, sadly, but I got enough calories to live a few more days. I think I have what the guys here call 'trench cough'. It's...

Ugh. I suppose this explains why my parents won't let me stay with them when I come back. I'm lying in a hostel here, enjoying my last couple of nights in a real bed. Come Sunday I'm on the streets and I bugged out so quickly that I don't even have my sleeping bag. Still got that rope, though...

Yes. I might never do so again. She now denies that she ever believed it, but that's not what she said last night. Every time she tries to start a conversation I just send her a screenshot. I will not forgive this.

Nicotine, alcohol, tea and trees. Also hugs. Having someone's hair to stroke. Or bloody mayhem. I'm pretty easy to calm down if I can get any of those things. Currently smoking and waiting for a bar to open. One of the real tragedies of my life is how incredibly mellowIand friendly I am in...

Always alone. Well, gad counselling for various work things and mentioned.it to them, but it doesn't help.

Police having to fund themselves is kind of weird and a bit alarming.

Rough neighbourhood?

If I had actually been paid for that last job I'd be hitting every brothel in town like a viking raid to take this out of me. I'm sure there's a song in there somewhere. I've already emailed my solicitor to tell them about this. I'll ask about the possibility of action for Defamation in the...

I found out last night that, while I was over here, my ex-wife told my mother that I was planning to murder her and my dad and that believed her. I give up. I will see my kids on Saturday and then I'm cashing in my chips. f*ck all of this.

Cool Original flavour Doritos and a can of local beer. I have not eaten since I grabbed a slice of toast, anime-style, on the way out the door yesterday. I don't really know the recipe for the first two beyond basic abstracts but I can tell you to make toast: get bread and heat it until it...

The kids are the only something. They're the only good things that have ever happened to me.