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Thanks Hashi :) SO would making a final decision about something and sticking to it be that too? :) Best wishes Saffy :)

Hi Hashi What is resolve, Im not sure what it means? Saffy :)

I am so sorry to hear your sadness GreenFrog2. It is never too late and they will see that you are genuine when you do. Do not fear their reactions but do what you feel is the right thing to do :) (too late is when it is impossible for you to do it, after all what have you too loose...

I know what you mean about running, getting away from it all. xena :) I realised when I ran I was searching for something, when I hid I was running from something. I had to find what I was searching for. I realised that Inner peace is a state of mind and can only be found in you, not from...

I am sorry to hear about your brother and thank god he has such a good sister :) It is going to be hard and a lot of sacrifices are going to be made and that takes strength. :hug: Can I suggest that you do not wait for them to offer but demand they help you look after him even if it is a...

I think it is always about personal choice and not about misguided 'duty' in the end Sheila :) I chose to disown family members who made my life worse instead of better, that was my choice and when I made it a decided to stick to it, it freed up so much head room, before the worry and...

Ah, The power of asserting your needs changes everything doesn't it. Knowing you have the right to do that really helps too. :) I am learning to stand up for me now and yes it does change peoples perception of me from door matt to someone who expects to be treated with respect, especially...

Hi M It is always better to get things out no matter how long it might take or write. You are not self indulgent you are writing down your thoughts, which you have many, some confusing, some disappointed and some bitter. But they are your thoughts and feelings and you have every right to...

He will, be patient and lead by example, it is a big positive lifestyle change you are embarking on. Be strong, we are here for you :) best wishes :) Saffy

Hi M Maybe you are projecting your own needs, if you treat others with care and give give give you will and should receive this need back. If that makes sense, so when you do not get it they will seem self absorbed and selfish because you have done all the giving. Aks yourself why you are...

Exactely, that is not very supportive, empathic or understanding of the issues you have. You answered this yourself really, you cannot just switch it on or off like a tap. It sounds like she cannot give you the emotional support that you need at the moment. She might not be in the position...

Hi Lizbeth I am glad your therapist pointed this out to him. And yes he did show lack of empathy too. Maybe he thought that because he was supporting you you did not need to be so self absorbed, but come on, it is not like this is about a shopping trip is it. Cancer is a massive thing...

That is what I think now Philippa :) I realise now that my help and support and unconditional kindness and acceptance of people was me projecting how I wanted to be treated myself. I thought if I treated them like this or that they would treat me like that back, Wrong. A lot of it was...

Ditto Ayasha :0 Any emotion was construed as trying to get attention and that I was wallowing in self pity or selfish. you are not alone :):) best wishes Saffy

Maybe you can rephrase this to we will deal with that if and when you do. ? My advice would to work on you and your girlfriend first and keep the family out. If and when you have a relaxed chance to talk to them all you have to do is say sorry if any of our actions upset you, It will not...

Sound like it is very conditional. You will never make them happy, no matter how perfect you can be to please them. What person do they want to condition you into. Is it really you, or is it what they want? And then comes the guilt about it. I have been through this, always...

Empathy is about putting yourself in the other persons shoes and feeling what they are feeling. Him being passive aggressive is not helping anyone. Passive aggressive is trying to get your own way by manipulation, withholding emotions instead of disclosing them. They use this to make you...

Hi Belong to live You probably have already but unfortunately it is part of the system when asking for something new. They have to assess whether your circumstances have changed and need an up to date form for their files to cover their process policies. It is just part of the admin process...

That must be such a relief for you and you can now move forward in a positive way. :) I am also glad that it is the abuser who died for a change, normally old bastards seem to live for ever and the innocent die young :( In another context as soon as I made the decision that my 'parents' were...

Just because they are supposed to be 'family' does not mean you have to like the person. If that makes sense. I hated everything my mother and stepdad stood for, If it was someone in the street I would avoid them like the plague so why should I put with it just because they are supposed to...

Hi M I think you are being a bit harsh on your sister. Why do you think that she should be more experienced in understanding?, even a good therapist has a hard time. You might be feeling that your needs are being neglected but assuming that she is just being lazy is a bit judgemental on...

I bet his toilet roll supplier is very pleased :p My diet today is going to be gammon steak, 2 fried eggs (laid by my ducks and chickens), garden peas and sweet potato mash. Yummy :) Eat well everyone :) best wishes Saffy :)

Embrace the feeling Magilisu, it is not the storm before the calm it is just the feeling of peace you have in the now. I used to think that something must be wrong when I felt like this, now I think I am glad for the peace in mind for a while and reach for that feeling now at times of...

That is quintessentially English and they will love. They could always have two helpings in they are not full ha ha ;) and Yes you cannot beat a cup of tea and fresh scones with jam and cream, lovely. YUM :) have fun. best wishes Saffy :)

I keep all my problems for on here now, sorry guys but you are just too supportive ;) I can catch and let loose without judgement and with understanding, something that the 'norms' just cannot give me. It is good therapy because I can then go out and face the 'norms' in a better mental...