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I agree that any expectation that pain will be accepted is f#cked up. What I said was that our pain is an expected part of our journey with a sufferer. In a broader sense- those things we do for our sufferers, especially those of us in new relationships who had no idea what to expect or how to...

Sweet Sweetpea- I understand what you are saying here- at the same time another sad fact is that the treatment many of us supporters are subjected to by our sufferers as we try to be there for them- the silence, the withdrawal of affection, the rejection, the pain and hurt and patience we...

Lost- I know I'm late to the party with my comment on this string- but I have to take issue with your statement that many supporters take off because they find dealing with their sufferer to be just too much. While that may be true for some people, that's a generalization that blows off the...

Silentwhisper- yes, its hard. Very hard. But as hard as it is, be kind to yourself. Loving him also means that you don't want to give up hope. And there are numerous strings here in which a sufferer did come back after weeks and even months of isolation. I'm sure you've read some of them, and...

cjm- welcome, I'm glad you found this place. May I suggest that you begin a new string? Your questions may get more responses that way. You didn't mention how long its been since he shut you out or whether you have heard from him in the interim. Even so, the answers to.those questions...

Mandy- thank you for sharing your wisdom and support. I really appreciate it. You are right, I've made a lot effort to try and understand him and what he may be dealing with. Early in our relationship he told me that I understood him so well. He was both pleased and surprised. I tried to...

Mandy- thank you. I think communication makes a huge difference and I hope will make the difference for you. Having him verbalize that his feelings for you have not changed and asking that you not take this personally would be very important to me, if I were in your shoes. And it comes through...

Silentwhisper- thank you. I'm pretty resilient, so while this has been difficult, I know I'll be ok. I knew in the beginning that this was a man who had not come home to stay yet, even though he retired in 2012. I wanted to believe what he wanted to believe and that was that he was finally ready...

I think in many ways our vets are not proud of many of the things they did and probably not for the reasons we might think. Example- mine told me that he hated going out on patrol- Iraq and,Afghanistan. His reason? He hated having to be an asshole and trying to provoke aggression in the locals...

I want to respond to two points made above- the first is that while there is great comfort and strength to be gained from reading existing strings, and that's very important- when the time comes that you're not sure you can continue to hang in there and wait- those other conversations will only...

Casey- Let me preface my comments by saying that I don't believe in "soul mates" and I am not very sentimental either. Yet, while I have had numerous loves in my lifetime thus far, some are greater loves than others. For whatever reasons the connection with these men was stronger, closer...

Hi Void- so, to what do I attribute the reluctance to discuss the free will question? Just my guess, but I think insecurity about their own belief system, regardless of how adamant they are about their own certainty. I know several people of strong faith, in fact one of my co-workers is one of...

He may not be able to tell you about his own personal experiences at this time. He knows what he's headed back into and may not want to verbalize it, for his own sake and for yours. There is a very interesting post somewhere on this site- I think its titled Ten Things Your Combat Vet Wants You...

Just a thought- as he's preparing over the next few weeks- take extra care not to move or displace any of his personal items from where he usually keeps them- even stuff like his keys, toothbrush or razor. They become very ritualistic, but not quite in an OCD way. When they are in or preparing...

Personally, I love roller coasters, but prefer them to stay at the amusement park- so yeah. I do wonder about several things- he's on meds, but is he in therapy? If so, for how long? His commitment to his own recovery needs to be present and entrenched. You mentioned drinking himself into...

Cashew- that's a really good point. With all respect, I'd suggest that as these guys prepare to deploy again- it probably doesn't matter much how much of their distancing is PTSD induced and how much is the warrior lobe in their brain all lit up. However, it will matter a LOT when he returns...

You seem like a strong and determined woman! Good for you! It will be hard when it comes closer to his departure date. He will get more and more into his own head and seem more distant. I did not experience this, since I met mine after his retirement. But I have heard this from others, and when...

Brokenheart- I am sorry, for your uncertainty and for what your vet has already been through and faces yet again. These guys are tough on the outside and yet fragile inside, when they let us in. Unfortunately when they have to put the warrior face back on, their softer side has to be quashed...

One other option came to mind- I have a very grim, but goofy sense of humor- maybe get him a pirate hat and park a plush parrot on his shoulder, he can Aye Mates, or whatever pirates say to break the ice if your going to coax him to see friends. A costume hat with attached hair piece- kind of...

Sighs- I can't offer advice on supporting a person with PTSD through this, but have a couple of general suggestions. My right arm was badly broken in a freak hiking accident. As a result I have two very long surgical scars up my forearm. I know arm is not face, but bear with me a minute. There...

Actually, if they started pulling people with PTSD out of rotations its started very recently, like the last three years, at least if its the Army were talking about. I've been connected to a vet- in deep isolation, so questionable whether we're still connected or not- but the point is, he was...

I used to do labor relations work and always drafted agreements myself for this reason- I didn't like others' inexactitude with language... So- IMHO- cooperate with, or be cooperative seems to be more refective of what's realistically possible than "trust".

Hi Anja. Welcome. You've come to a good place. You will find a lot of information and a lot of support. To get right to your question about what to do- there are a couple of schools of thought on this. The primary view on this is- leave him alone, contacting him while he is isolating will be...

Sorry, but this is a silly agreement. Trust is earned and it sounds as though not only has your supervisor squandered any trust she might have earned in the past, but she's unlikely to earn it back in the future. Messing with the definition of words to come up with something that sounds good...

PS- if I ever see or speak to this man again (insert smiley emoticon- for some reason the stock emojis on my phone aren't picked up) I certainly hope never to fall into the trap of confusing the person with the symptoms. I have ADD and have been on meds for many years. I had no tolerance for...