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I definitely want some human connection that eventually evolves into a relationship. I’ve been pretty lonely for years. I mainly just want someone to comfort during the time of the year when certain flashbacks happen more often and just hold me and comfort and tell me that everything is okay and...

This afternoon I’ve spent entirely listening to YouTube videos of men who were victims of sexual violence and in a strange way, it feels a bit soothing to listen to. I think it’s because it’s reminding me that what had happened to me does hate other men and boys and even though my situation is...

Is it normal for a victim of sexual assault to wonder if they had been asked permission to be touched and they say no but were still touched against their will if they would feel better than being touched without being asked? I struggled with that thought for years before I finally told someone...

I just remembered that when I kept repressing the memories of the sexual assaults, my sister was in her sophomore year at Harvard and so far away from home and she spent her teenage years watching me and taking care of me on the weekends. I felt guilty for years that she had spent all her free...

One thing that I have been avoided doing that a lot of people claim will “help” me is forgiving the kid that sexually assaulted me and then bullied me mercilessly and my question is why? He never tried to apologize to me and he never showed any remorse for what he’s done. I can never forgive him...

In high school, I would imagine myself living in the Pokémon world and it was very comforting to me. No one understood why I kept insisting that I’d rather live in an imaginary world vs the real world and ignored the biggest reason I kept saying. I wanted to live in a fantasy world because “the...

The first time I showed immediate signs of trauma and fear from being sexually assaulted after I finally escaped that high school but before I finally told someone what had happened to me was when I was 23 or 24. I was getting my physical done and then the doctor said that he was going to check...

The statistics of men becoming a victim of sexual violence is 1 in 6 men. I often wonder why I had to be that one out of six men? Why was I chosen as a target? I honestly don’t think I was the kid’s first victim either as he knew exactly where to touch me and it was as if he had done it before...

Something so small and innocent such as someone flinging a rubber band across the room or tosses a pen or pencil at you causes you to immediately duck and cover you head while you bolt out of the room as fast as you can. You keep getting thoughts that refuse to go away no matter what you do...

Leftover Chinese food. I slowly regaining my appetite after not having one for two days.

I’m often abandoned after two weeks of talking online s well. I often think that I’m just unwantable. I just wish that I knew what the problem was.

I forgot to say that after C had broken his promise to me and abandoned me, I lost my faith in God again and have only been to a few church services since I was evicted from my first apartment. I am not really sure if I believe in God anymore. I want to believe that He exists but then I start...

I’m often afraid to talk about the trauma I have because I’m afraid that the person won’t like hearing about it and it’s too much for them and they abandon me instead of helping me get through it and being there to comfort me when I have a flashback and tell me that everything will be okay...

I agree. He is very capable of cheating on you again and also you did absolutely nothing wrong. You were already out of your previous relationship and it was an abusive one which you have the right to not discuss about because of the trauma. The thing is your current boyfriend sounds a bit...

Yeah. That’s all another reason why I never told him. I don’t want to make his accident all about me because that’s both insulting and offensive. The reason I wanted to shown that someone cared about me back the is because I was constantly victim blamed for being bullied and the staff ignored...

I sort of always have had abandonment issues because of my mom leaving but then I found out most of the reasons why I had them over her divorcing my dad and leaving my sister and me in full custody with our dad were actually so my sister and I could grow up in a financially stave house because...

Well I do know someone else who had a similar car accident and lived but I met him years after he had it and I could tell he had some life changing injuries as a result. I guess I’m afraid of the kid becoming very angry at me for the thoughts if I tell him about them. I don’t want to ruin the...

It took up so much energy just to try and make it through the day without falling apart once. I’d come home and be completely exhausted and drained and I just became mostly lifeless some days at school. I had no one to talk to and I was going through a lot of things at home. I lost both...

I’ve talked about the accident occasionally to my case worker and therapist. The kid was always friendly towards me which is why I think the thought that I had become a horrible person for have the thoughts made it feel worse for me. Like I said, I’ve never talked to him about the accident. He’s...

I reconnected with the kid on Facebook about ten years ago and sometimes message him but I’ve never told him about how his accident unexpectedly traumatized me. Talking to him helps heal the pain a little bit and I want to tell him everything but I’m afraid of how he will respond. I’ve never...

The kid didn’t die. The fundraisers were to help pay his medical bills.

Honestly the closest thing I come to having OCD I have is the need to have absolutely no lights on during the day unless necessary if there’s a window and there is still daylight out. I just think that is wasting energy and doesn’t make sense as to why you need artificial lights on during the...

Friends and potential romantic partners.

I was once diagnosed with OCD but it later turned out to just be part of my autism after I had been tested for it. I clearly never had OCD because I wasn’t washing my hands ten times in a row or had an unexplained need to keep locking and unlocking doors. I just had very specialized interests...

I often just feel too broken for anyone to want me. I mean who wants someone as damaged as me when they could have someone without any problems? I have way too many triggers and some simple sentences and phrases can cause me to have a flashback and cause my brain to shut down and I become...