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I vote to leave also. Maybe you can set up a get together with the cousins and kids without abusers. You are number one. When your kids are old enough they will understand all your feelings of needing not to be with these people.

Barometric pressure affects me a lot as well as getting enough sunlight. Sunlight makes our bodies create Vitamin D so you might consider taking Vitamin D if you can't get outside in the sun. I read that when it is overcast you can still get the good stuff from the sun but you have to stay out...

Are you having basically no feelings, like you're dead inside? Or are you really sad, etc.? I am no shrink but I have had the former and the latter. Feeling numb like encapsulated from feeling is hell and can bring despair. And that's Depression as I know of it, and you hopefully have someone...

Feeling good physically. Had good walk in the sun. Refreshing. Happy. Good movies to watch tonight. Looking forward to that and eating salmon. Dreams of hiding from Nazis again. Metaphor or unresolved former life trauma? That's all I need - two lives worth of PTSD! Interesting though.

Happy Birthday! May this year see your life turn in a beautiful new direction. But I certainly empathize with what you are going thru. PTSD - Ugh.

Have you read much about how PTSD comes about and how it effects the brain and changes your system? Are you thinking it's like mind over matter or that it fades with time? I guess I am not sure how you thought it had been overcome. What a drag to really think that and then have the symptoms...

Absolutely. I don't know what I would have done or would do without music!

I felt - or actually didn't feel - the past the same way. You will not be swept away with the undertow though I know it feels like you could. It will come out when it is safe to come out so trust your psyche. The flooding of emotion for particular incidents that came up as time went by felt...

Hello and welcome! I find exercise to be number one for balancing the extremes of emotion I get. Even though there is an exercise room where we live, I don't use it. Instead I walk and walk and walk. Sometimes I walk and run a little and walk and run. Sometimes I go up and down steps so you...

Hi @junglegirl - That is so true. It interrupts the loops best of anything! I don't know what I'd do without my walks. Tomorrow will be 50-ish and sunny. A perfect walk day.

Did a long walk today. I was reminded not to depend on anything outside myself to make the inside of myself feel better. I don't mean I shouldn't take necessary meds or food or seek friendship or therapy, but my healing must come ultimately from within. The trees with buds had a cool aura...

I love movies. My favs are Casablanca, Aliens (second in the series), Terminator 2, The Sound of Music, most Hitchcock films, good musicals, many Barbara Stanwyk (sp) movies, certain documentaries especially re animals like Buck and one I saw last night about a guy bonding with mule deer, The...

How fantastic! I am so glad you are feeling so much better and had epiphanies. I love epiphanies. I am with you - move your muscles, move your thoughts, move your feelings. I don't recommend seeing the movie Ordinary People because for me at least it is triggering (it is well done and a great...

I keep tearing my dupa muscle. It hurts. I am tired.

Yes @Littlemissbrit, I fall and then wake up shortly thereafter often with pounding heart. Once upon a time to avoid the hassle of trying to fall asleep and then waking shortly after or wrestling with nightmares, I thought screw this - I just won't sleep. But after a year of almost no sleep, I...

Hello and welcome!

That must have been so rough when he was dying and you were there to help and still the terror was there as it would if like me your dad was a source of the terror and abuse that gave you PTSD. It inhered to our systems. Intellect is useless. The body remembers. Only when my dad was unconscious...

I so know what you are talking about - the very big, very unpredictably violent person who might imminently explode. That was my dad to a tee - but he happened to be alcoholic. The alcohol brought that side of him out. Even though he quit drinking years later, I could never quite shake the...