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Turpentine

I came across this stapled to a telephone pole this morning and I wondered what kind of town I live in.

I think she likes yoga.

We all do the same thing. There is no middle ground. We either say way too much or not enough. We manage it and I think that is where we are different.

dishes, laundry, vacuuming and taking the trash out.

I think you have a good handle on it. The holidays were very tricky for me. I would do the family thing and it was just too much for me and I would get overwhelmed and have to leave. By not even thinking about attending such events I am not triggered.

I have been no contact with my soon to be exwife for a year now. I am also no contact with the kids. That is painful but they seem to relay everything to my ex. That said, it has been an empowering experience. Even the slightest contact causes me an emotional roller coaster. I think it has been...

I’m always grateful for little Lulu. But I am super grateful my nervous system seems to be calming down. I am sleeping better and I haves been off sleep meds for about 6 weeks.

Motorcycles of course. I put a new carb on the trials bike I picked up a couple weeks ago. It helped a lot but still not running as well as I would like. The engine rattles a lot, maybe time for a rebuild. It is a two article so that is fairly straight forward. The transmission feels a bit...

Crop

Bunny

I had thought about doing inpatient but I could never get straight answers from the provider as to what is covered by insurance and what isn’t. They were pushing a 90 day program for $70,000. And there would be add ons. A lot of what they were pushing was substance abuse related and fortunately...

We do that, we default to the worst case scenario. Early on I did some CBT and was told to not use words like never in my thinking. It did make a difference. When I get dysregulated I walk through my thoughts and edit out the catastrophic thoughts. It helps me but I still have a long ways to go.

I am in New Mexico for a yoga retreat. This morning a 3 hr hike in the dunes at White Sands followed by 3 hr of yoga. I ache.

Yes. My mother was a violent alcoholic who eventually committed suicide. CPTSD is at the root of all my issues. It is good to dive in early while you still have your life ahead of you. You can save yourself a lot of grief by studying attachment theory as that is where CPTSD from childhood abuse...

For a bull snake it was medium. They have a skinny head rather than the shovel shaped pit viper head of a rattlesnake. They will puff out the sides of their face to appear more like a rattlesnake when alarmed. I always try to get a good look at both the head and tail. Bull snakes also tend...

Just tune it all out.

Another one today on the hiking trail above the house. This one is a non-venomous bull snake. This time of year hyper-vigilance is an asset.

There are 4 other book shelves in other rooms as well as boxes of books in storage. When I was married we moved a lot for my wife’s work. One move I counted how many boxes of books I had and it was 50. I think this last move I was down to 20 something. It is a lifetime affliction and I need to...

I am going to look into that. Due to my childhood I am a terrible people pleaser. I have been working on it but it is all so foreign. I enjoy connection but I seem to lose myself. I often seem blunt or at least it feels that way when I say no. I have not found the sweet spot yet but I am working...

My name is Dave and I have a problem…..

So many books, so little time.

Eat breakfast with coffee on the front porch. A three hour hike up the hill. Zoom yoga with my trainer. Pack for the yoga retreat I am leaving for tomorrow. Turn out the lights at a reasonable hour.

I’m guilty of whatever it is called.

Et in Arcadia ego. Death is just part of life. In the West we have sanitized Death and don’t speak of it as if that will jinx us. We fear it. It is the ultimate other and thus it must be feared. In many developing countries death is accepted as part of life, it happens, with frequency. Infant...