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So I have had some negative experiences with people expressing anger toward me. Mom raged at me and dad promised to drown me if I told anyone about the abuse ( he illustrated the point by pulling me under the water in a pool while threatening me). My T says that anger isn't dangerous. He wants...

About 6 months ago I told my sister about my abuse history - my father, grandfather and uncle sexually abused me. As a very young child our bedroom was in the basement which I believe made dads nocturnal visits easier for mom to ignore. When we lived in our other house,, I would visit my...

I've been in therapy for 2 years now and this has been a real stumbling block. The belief that I don't deserve to get better, that I am such a horrible person. I still see the world through the lense of 'bad things happened to me, I should have done something about it, I went to his bed, I had...

My hubby and I were chatting over lunch about which of my two parents was more damaging: my neglectful, non-attaching, sometimes physically abusive mother or my sexually abusive father. I made a statement that surprised both of us (in a good way). If mom had married a different 'normal' man...

OK, probably a strange title, and this may ramble. For 2 years I have been off work and seeing a psychiatrist, of this my mom and sister were aware, but nobody asked why, I said stress. I had decided not to tell my sister unless she asked because she was very close with our dad and sees our...

Ok, so anxiety is a feeling that I feel a lot of the time, but other feelings are not allowed. I understand how ridiculous that is, but I have intellectualized my feelings my entire life and do not know how to let them go, just allow them to happen. I recognize that I have a lot of rage (which...

I've been off work for two years now due to PTSD and major depression. My triggers into my breakdown occurred at work, but were building with family matters, too. I am heading back when the new term begins in the fall with a new skill set and having greater self-awareness, but I am wondering...

So when I get angry, I turn it inward, which is very unhealthy. My psychiatrist has assigned me homework to list 100 ways to express my anger. So far I have: paint, hit golf balls, tell the person, write a 'no send' letter, write poetry or prose, punch a punching bag, scream in my car, scream...

I had an 'a ha' today that my self-blame was a coping strategy. When you are 7 years old and the adults are abusing you, you can't blame them (it can't compute in your mind that your protectors are inherently bad), so it must be you. This badness and self-blame has had a massive impact on all...

So this probably won't seem like too much, but for me it was a bit of a deal. Whenever my mother has gotten me alone during the pat couple of visits, she will say something upsetting to me. I avoid visiting her and even phoning because I have been suicidal quite often and just don't have the...

So this phase of my therapy is about being able to reclaim pleasurable touch. At this point we are talking about simply stroking my back during a hug. The homework assignment was to begin pleasurable touch and I couldn't do it, so during the session this week, we narrowed it down to the...

I really don't know what to do. I saw my psychiatrist this week - after a 3 week break due to scheduling. It has been a tough time for me in between and it continues to hurt so much. Every time I turn around I can't seem to escape my childhood issues. In some way or other they slam me in the...

Other diseases can be terminal. Tumors can be inoperable, bacteria can be too overwhelming to the immune system, etc. So it stands to reason that some forms of PTSD (especially the complex variety) can't be cured (I'm not really looking for a cure, but a way to live). I have been seeing a...

This is very tough for me to write - I am getting a headache and my anxiety level is growing, but I am going to do it anyway. My husband (H) has been super amazing. We have been married for 27 years, have 2 grown children who have relationships of their own with lovely partners. My H and I...

I was a 'successful' woman who had managed to keep all of the abuse tucked away in a very well hidden and well locked steel case which exploded about 8 months ago. Anyone who knew me (outside of my husband and a close friend) would be shocked to know that I am the author of this. But I...